Letter to Santa Claus, circa 1991

So when I wrote that I didn't really have an issue with not having a dad, I must have been lying to my 8-year old self.

My mom recently found a letter I wrote to Santa Clause when I was 8. Warning: it starts funny, and then I make you feel like an a-hole for laughing at my letter. Ha.

I'm leaving in all original grammar mistakes, which are embarrassing, but really make the letter pretty amazing.

11-21-91 (Please pay attention to the date: as of 8-years of age, I was not yet a procrastinator)

Dear Santa I'v made a list of the things I want for Christmas. Ther are some big things I want. (I kinda love how I give Santa a heads up)

1. The icecream maker (not just any ice cream maker...THE ice cream maker)

2. A new bike. (I got the bike when I was in Guatemala...hilarious story to be told someday about how some drunkard tried to steal it from me)

3. Some papper (reguler with lines. Coler, tiping papper) (translation: paper, color, typing. Slightly pathetic)

4. A new book

5. The movie "home Alon (this one is crossed out. I must've realized I was asking for too much, and this is what I thought I could live without)

6. The book "Bingo"

7. A blak hat to go out (first of all, I couldn't spell black? REALLY?! Secondly, where exactly was I "going out" that I needed a hat?)

8. A cook book for kids

9. Monoply for kids

10. A new suite (I would reiterate my second comment from #7)

11. A diyerie with a lock (Diary. A diary. And a lock to make sure my mom stayed out of my shit)

12. Jinga (I think I still own my Jenga. It's currently in storage)

13. encyclopedia (1) how many 8-year old's ask for this? 2) I couldn't spell "black" or "diary," but I could spell encyclopedia. Interesting)

back ----> (Yes, I let Santa know there was more in the back of the page)

Baby (crossed out)

maybe (crossed out)

Maybe (with arrow pointing back up to the first line) if you can my dad

(you know, no big deal, but maybe, perhaps, if you have time, you could kidnap my dad and bring him to me)

Have a verey nice Christmas.

Love Alexandra Maria Hannson Beltran (I couldn't even spell my last name right)

My mom told me she felt guilty about never sending the letter out. All I have to say is, THAT'S WHY I NEVER GOT MY DAD FOR CHRISTMAS!

Charity of the Month: Lemonade International

They decided to adopt. Then they decided to adopt from Guatemala. Then someone else decided they should actually go to Guatemala before they adopted a child from there: “You have to find ways to give back to a country that is going to be giving you the gift of a child.” It’s funny, isn’t it, how a simple nudge from someone else can completely change your life. Bill and Cherie did just that, and in 2004 they traveled to Guatemala, where they met Tita two nights before their flight back to the U.S. They had already spent eight days meeting people, places, and things. But they hadn’t met Tita yet, or La Limonada, or their future.

Tita turned out to be their inspiration: a woman who for five years had been singlehandedly working in one of the most dangerous and largest urban slums in Guatemala: providing care, comfort and food to the most vulnerable of the vulnerable. La Limonada is basically a settlement in a ravine, considered a Red Zone area because of how dangerous it is, and home to about 60,000-100,000 people. These people live in one of 10 different districts, each of which are ruled by rival gangs and invisible but life-threatening boundary lines.

What did Tita show Bill and Cherie on their last day in Guatemala? She showed them the shanties where families lived huddled together, she showed them families that dulled their hunger pain by sniffing glue, she told them about the sexual abuse that runs rampant in La Limonada, she told them about the gang violence and warfare that had her attending at least one funeral a week. But she also showed them the school she had started, she showed them the children she looked after, she told them about her plans for the future: how she wanted to be able to teach more kids, she wanted to reach out to gang members and show them a different way of life, she told them about wanting to start a vocational center for those gang members, she told them about wanting to send kids to school.

Seeing and hearing these stories changed their lives. As much heart and as many plans as Tita had at the time, she was overwhelmed by the amount of work and money that it took to do everything she was doing or wanted to do. Bill and Cherie saw the need and opportunity to step in and help, and they did. And you know what? They’ve pretty much made all of Tita’s plans a reality.

Bill and Cherie founded Lemonade International and started raising money for Tita and La Limonada, and Bill allowed me to ask him some questions about how all of this came about. Here’s what happened since they founded Lemonade International, as a volunteer side project:

• Bill quit his day job working in HR
• Escuelita Mandarin joined the already functioning Escuelita Limon; together they serve over 300 children, and employ more than 40 local Guatemalans (you can learn about sponsoring one of these children here)
• A Safe Home was created for children who had been abandoned, abused, and/or neglected. Safe Home currently cares for 16 children (you can find out more about Safe Home here)
• Scholarships were created to keep students in school that are beyond the teaching capacity of Escuelita Limon and Escuelita Mandarin (much like public education in Haiti, public education in Guatemala is not an option-kids need scholarships for private schools in order to obtain a decent education; you can find out more about providing scholarships here)
• A micro-finance project was started that is helping women from La Limonada learn how to start and run their own business (more info here)
• A vocational training program was started that teaches gang members skills they can apply in obtaining jobs around La Limonada, whether in construction, carpentry, or other areas (interesting tid bit about people from La Limonada who try to get jobs: if you put an address from La Limonada on a job application, you’re pretty much guaranteed to NOT get the job).

This is all just the beginning stages! Bill talked about their plans to buy a building that will house the vocational training program. The program is still in the initial stages, and often they don’t have the room or a safe location to consistently have their classes in. They are currently looking at a building that is located in between the two schools, they just have the difficult task of raising the funds to purchase it. Ideally, this building will house training classes for sewing, carpentry, masonry, electrician training, etc.

Of course, these accomplishments and goals for the future are no easy feat to come by: Lemonade International is working in a country with difficult and straining conditions, among a dangerous population, and with the mentality of wanting to establish something that is not dependent on U.S. donors, but self-sustaining.

Sustainability. I love that word. One of the goals for the vocational center is that it will create businesses, like bakeries and carpentry shops, that will help maintain some of the other programs. The are trying to get this sustainability started by looking for a local Community Development Director: someone who will oversee all the programs in Guatemala, and to focus on the sustainability and long term plans of current projects.

This brought us to something else Bill thinks is important for the future of Lemonade International: engaging local people in Guatemala to support the work of La Limonada, to inspire them to care about their own country. We had an interesting conversation about classism in Guatemala: there is still a great divide between people of different socio-economic levels, not to mention indigenous mayans vs. ladino's. It would be great if instead of having people from the U.S. going to Guatemala to lead these programs, you have Guatemalan’s caring about each other across these socio-economic divides, and leading these programs.

Bill recognizes that something like this will take time, and is steering clear of setting himself up for an “unrealistic disappointment.” He knows sustainability is something that will take time, and until then, raising support in the U.S. to help kids go to school, which may not be sustainable, is better than doing nothing.

Through it all, what keeps Bill and those around him going is seeing the smiles on children’s faces, smiles that weren’t there years before, children that walk with their heads held a little higher than they used to. What else keeps Bill going? His vision for the future of La Limonada:

I want to stand on the bridge overlooking La Limonada, and see people walking around confident in themselves and knowing their self worth, see people who know they can achieve things, that they are part of a community where good things are happening, a community with art, and music. I want to see houses painted with bright Guatemalan colors, and flower boxes hanging under windows. I want to see the hustle and bustle of business: tortillas being delivered, schools in session, festivals and parades. All of this, with no concern for violence.

Cristina and the Barreda syndrome

I apologize if my repeated posts about this woman are boring or uninteresting to some, but I truly believe that her story is worth writing about, or in my case, translating about. I think this case has brought Guatemala to a crossroad, and there are some exceptional women in that country who are trying to make sure they make the right turn, by not keeping silent. There are a couple blogs from the original writer who brought us this story that I have been wanting to translate, but they take more time in skill due to her exceptional writing, so they will come with time. But today, I came across the following opinion piece, and felt is was worth translating and sharing. The subject is something that I've wanted to blog about for over a year, and I just haven't made the time to do so: why are women in our culture (by "our" I mean Hispanic) so frequently victims of domestic violence? And why do they remain in relationships marred by domestic violence? As a volunteer with several legal nonprofits, I have worked with women who were victims of domestic violence in order to help them apply for immigration relief (through VAWA and U-Visa petitions), and the degree and frequency of violence that so many of these women put up with has always scared me. Alas, I should save my "opinion" piece for my own blog entry...

The Robert Barreda Syndrome

(As published on September 22, 2011, in El Periodico)

In Guatemala, things have to change and the aggressors have to know that their only place is in jail.

Sylvia Gereda Valenzuela

Since 2001 I have worked and investigated the subject of femicide and aggression against women in Guatemala. I find it interesting that we have such an aggressive male population, that has caused more than 6 thousand women to die in the most cruel ways: tortured, severed in their private parts, raped, and mutilated.

In those days, Ciudad Juarez was a site of murders that moved the world. Ten years later, Guatemala left Mexico behind.

I got to know the case of Mindi Rodas, the woman who’s husband ripped off her face, nose and mouth with a knife and after a long battle for justice was murdered.

I got to know the case of Claudina Vasquez, a young woman who was going to be an attorney, that was first raped and then put on her knees to die with a bullet to the temple.

Towards the middle of this decade, while I was going through my masters in sociology, I completed a thesis about femicides in Guatemala, and then I had to course through the morgues, see puddles of blood that wet my shoes, the bodies of dozens of women that arrived cut in pieces and their faces bruised. That year, when I started my television project of Informe Especial (Special Report) on Canal Antigua, I decided to go back and check the pulse of this silent drama. I didn’t even have to take a step to realize that the problem had surpassed us.

In July I started to investigate the disappearance and murder of Cristina Siekavizza, where the principal suspect is her husband Roberto Barreda. A story already known by everyone, but where the aggregate of influence peddling, abuse of power by Barreda’s parents, Beatriz De Leon and Roberto Barreda, has been an important factor in keeping this case without any punishment and allowing the two minors to disappear along with their psychopath father, according to those who have declared to know the case: the judge Veronica Galicia and Norma Cruz.

I have found myself with more than three dozen messages and letters from women commenting that the story of Cristina has made them understand the dangerous drama in which they are submerged. Many, for the first time, seeing the criminal extremes that Barreda allegedly reached, are daring to break the cycle of violence and raise their voice.

“My sister that was married for 33 years with a psychopath, controlling and feticidal that followed her with a gun, hit her, etcetera. Today she has separated from him and she is getting fucked over. He left her in the street, even though he has millions in accounts in the United States and he uses his best friend as a figurehead. She gave him her whole life, since she was 19, she never finished her career nor did she ever work. He told her that he was never going to giver her anything, over his dead body.”

“He would get home late, drunk, aggressive, he would smack me around.”

“He left with some girl that was 20 years younger than him, got her pregnant. When I confronted him about it he grabbed me and hit me, he slapped me and insulted me.”

“I knew that he lived in bars and whore houses. On three opportunities he transmitted venereal diseases to me. He would threaten me that if I left him he would leave me in the street and ruin me forever, I have never worked.”

Norma Cruz, president of the Fundacion Sobrevivientes (Survivors Foundation), told me on one occasion that Guatemalan woman has started to talk about what she called the “Barreda Syndome,” many of the attacked women are seeing in Roberto Barreda, a man that appeared to not be aggressive but that was a despot at home, their own husbands. En the case of Barreda, nobody saw the alleged murderer of his spouse coming. But when everyone reacted, Cristina had ceased to exist and her children had disappeared.

I have always believed that we all came into this world with a mission, that no life is in vain, just like no death is in vain. Cristina has moved more hearts and sentiments with her death than she did with her life, this is a sign that her spirit continues still today and it can be the point of inspiration so that many women who have been attacked start to talk and ask for help from prosecutors, support groups, or organizations in defense of women.

For my part, these stories of terror that have hit so many guatemalan women hurt me to my core, and they motivate me to commit myself with what I will soon start as a new life project, to save thousands of women, teenagers, and girls who are victims of violence. If I can be sure of something, it’s that today, more than ever, I will not lower my voice and I ask the women that they don’t either. In Guatemala, things have to change, and the aggressors have to know that their only place is in jail.

The Difference

I translated a blog from a friend in Guatemala back in July, it was her battle cry for justice in a country that seems to spin further and further out of control. That specific blog was prompted by the disappearance of an old classmate's sister: a wife and mother of two children. Since her disappearance, classmate's have banded together, and have refused to let Cristina be forgotten as just another disappearance, or simply another statistic. Since her disappearance, events have continued to unfold, and evidence indicates that the night before her disappearance, her and her husband got into a serious argument, after which she ran out to the balcony of her home and screamed for help. No one did anything. Although her body has not been found, it seems the husband used the family car to dispose of her body, and disappeared with the children days later.

They have not found the father, or the children, and the plot is more convoluted than a simple disappearance (the father's parents are politicians, I think his mom may be a judge, so there are beliefs that the initial investigations and judicial proceedings were hindered by his parents and their connections), but the light at the end of the tunnel is that people have not stopped demanding justice.

Some people have criticized the attention this case has received, stating that the only reason it's getting as much attention as it has is because she was of a member of the higher social levels in Guatemala. It's true that Cristina is only one of so many countless cases of victims of violence in Guatemala, but herein lies the difference: Cristina has friends who are not willing to give up. So many cases in Guatemala go unresolved, and those involved learn to simply move on with their lives: injustice is seen as something people just have to put up with...what else can they do? Seeking justice is seen as a waste of time, and so people remain disappeared, while those responsible are never even looked for.

But not Cristina. Cristina went to a school that has a strong alumnus, and that is being demonstrated today. Some of the women organizing walks, demonstrations, and creating Facebook pages, are women who may not have known her very well, but they went to school with her sister, and that is all they need to know: one of their own is in need of their voice and their support. I find this truly admirable. These women are demanding that their voices be heard, that the search for the man responsible for this crime be found, and be held accountable. It doesn't seem like too much to ask, but in a country like Guatemala, it's a feat to be able to carry on this kind of momentum a month after the initial disappearance. They were able to amass enough support to get news of her disappearance on national and international news channels, and Interpol has published information regarding the identity of the husband:

Instead of arguing classism or social divide, people should stand by this movement, and be happy that finally someone had the balls to demand justice. It's more than many have ever done. The difference is not that Cristina was part of a more privileged society, it's that she knew people who cared enough and were able to not give up. I applaud their dedication, and for the sake of a country who needs more people like them, willing to stand up to corruption and impunity, I hope many more will join them.

Soundtrack Lookout: Drive

I saw this:

And I really liked this:

The movie was great also. I'd write more, but it's time for milk and cookies (for reals).

Happy weekend.

Introducing: Discussions on Development

I had an idea.

Since Jeff and I met, we'd have these serious conversations about Guatemala, the impunity and corruption there, and we'd try to figure out the answers to "why?," and then the larger question of "what would change things?" I think these are some of my most favorite conversations with Jeff: we get super academic and talk about things that might be slightly out of our league :)

These questions followed me back from Haiti, and some of the best conversations I had with people there involved the same questions I mentioned above. My initial idea was to simply write one blog about my thoughts, the issues I see, and possible solutions (according to the not-all-knowing me), and leave it at that. But then I thought it would be cool to take it one step further. So here's my idea: have people who are similarly interested in answering the same questions do guest posts, where they can analyze the "how's" and "why's," in whatever context they find appropriate. For example, I asked Haiti Scholarships co-founder Jim, and he'll probably take on a more financial argument, being that he's a finance professor and all (and was that a shameless plug for Haiti Scholarships? Yep. Did I post the same link three times? Yes).

My disclaimers: I'm not claiming we have the solutions. Heck, people have been debating these answers for decades before I even came across them. My goal in getting different people to post their thoughts is simply to gain a little more insight about something I'm passionate about, and maybe open discussion about these same ideas. Unlike this guy, I don't really know what I'm doing. Also, I'm not big on censorship of ideas, so I will allow people to write about whatever they want, but I take no responsibility for their thoughts or opinions!

Finally, if you have any interest in submitting a guest post, do let me know :)

Our Plans were Foiled!

Well, you know those big plans we had for the phone book? They were RUINED.

I went to the apartment on Monday to do some cleaning, and after I climbed the stairs I found myself with this:

Seriously. Maybe they read my blog? Anyhow, I was extremely disappointed in their sudden decision to clean up their act. Now Jeff and I will never have a chance to carry out our plans. Which looked something like this:

Jeff's plan: Prop the phone book against their door (again), with a sign that reads something to the effect of: "Hi, I'm your phone book. Why don't you love me? Why won't you bring me into your home?" Or something like that (right boo?).

My plan: Throw it away. Leave a sign on their doorstep that reads: "You're welcome."

But now...neither one of these will ever happen. Shame on you, belatedly responsible neighbor.

Packing Day, Lost Count

It's been roughly two weeks of slowly packing and moving everything out of our place. Yesterday we moved the essentials into the new place, and the only things left in the old place are a couple loads of clean laundry and Jeff's paintings. Not too shabby.

Here was my greatest moving accomplishment this week:

I mentioned before our obsession with moving things in one trip. And even though this was during the week, so I was moving stuff alone while Jeff was working, this was no exception. So, those two loaded carts up there? Yep, I packed up the truck with all of that, and somehow, precariously loaded them up to these two carts, pushed both of them onto the elevator, and into storage, IN ONE TRIP. Two golf club bags, two bikes, two dinning room chairs, a box, a sleeping bag, and some miscellaneous stuff. I won't say I didn't have technical difficulties in getting it done, but I did it.

This is what our storage unit currently looks like:

Crazy that our whole lives are packed into a 10 x 10 storage unit.

Finally, let me introduce you to our soon to be ex-neighbors phone book:

It's been there for over a month (dare I say more than two?). We pass by it everyday. She passes by it everyday. We even propped it up against her door one day, thinking she'd get the clue that she should pick it up, and nothing. So. We have some ideas. Stay tuned.

What I Learned Today

Today I learned where the family law filing windows are located at the
Central Justice Center.

I also learned that said windows are closed from 11 am to 1 pm.

Oh well. I'm off to see if I can catch the tail end of the Irvine
Farmer's Market. Fingers crossed.

Packing, Day 2 and 1/2

Well, all in all I think we made some good progress. Took a load to storage yesterday before the BBQ, and I worked on the closet pretty much all day today (aside from going to say goodbye to Uli and Hank for a couple hours). I feel like there are still a TON of odds and ends around the apartment, but I think we'll be ok.

A couple things that made me really happy this weekend:

1) Jeff and I are great teammates. Nothing I didn't know before, but it's always nice to be working with someone you work so well with. No arguments about what is going where, how things should be done, pack this there, no over there, but I want it over here...we kind of work like a well oiled machine. We're one step ahead of each other...always in a good way. And I can always count on Jeff to come up with some pretty brilliant ideas (I actually had a "Jeff moment" myself today when I came up with a pretty MacGyver move for packing my earrings...suffice it to say it was pure genius), like this one:

You might ask yourself...what is that? Well, Jeff was in charge of wrapping up our dinning room chairs so they sustain minor damage during transport and storage...and after the second one he was getting a little dizzy going around them with plastic wrap. So he asked me, "do we have anything like a Lazy Susan?" Thankfully, in the last five years, someone had explained to me what this was, so I was able to confidently tell him we didn't. It didn't matter...he found a plastic-organizer-drawer I had just emptied out that had wheels on it. So, while I turned the chair, he plastic wrapped it. No dizziness. Just some good teamwork :)

2) Second, we're amazing at packing stuff onto moving carts! The last time we went to storage, there were no carts available, so we carried stuff on our desk chair and just on our own...then a second trip with random stuff, and by the third trip we had finally obtained ownership of a moving cart. So...three trips up and down the elevator. On our way home, Jeff mentioned that we could have made it in one trip if we had the moving cart the whole time...I was incredulous...but then today, we carried a truck FULL of stuff in one trip. It was pretty amazing. Two carts, plus the purple rolly cart thingy pictured above, which we filled and stacked with other stuff. Not gonna lie...it was pretty amazing stacking!

Not so amazing: coming home and realizing the smell of your apartment is gone (you know what I'm talking about...every house has it's own unique smell...and I miss mine), it now smells like cardboard boxes. Le sigh.

One week from tomorrow will be our last TVN, and a week from Wednesday, we'll be turning in our keys...

Packing, Day 1

Well, we've been packing small stuff over the last week, but yesterday was the first day that we REALLY packed. I mean, all day. I guess technically we started a little late, since we both have to do our usual online reading (reddit for Jeff, google reader for me), but once we drank our coffee and got our reading done, we meant business.

I worked on the kitchen all day...Jeff took care of clearing the entertainment center and desk area.

Jeff moved the red couch out of the way to free up some space

If we hadn't had a desk, we both really like this set up. It opens up the living room so much!

After a full day of work, we ended up with a mostly empty kitchen (I left out the coffee pot, toaster, a pot, pan, a couple bowls, and utensils. And coffee mugs, duh), and a heartbreakingly empty living room.

It's been slightly emotional. We keep telling ourselves it's just an apartment, and we'll have a new place eventually that we'll grow to love as much as this one. But it's hard to process for now. This little apartment has been so great for us, beyond perfect, and we've shared so many moments with each other and our friends: it's seen three (or two?) annual Gingerbread House parties, the first Friendsgiving, countless TVN's, spa nights, pool days, not to mention our own movie nights and coffee and lunch's on the balcony.

We are definitely thankful that our first place provided us with so much happiness and so many great memories!

We're taking a break from packing today, so we can have a little Farewell BBQ for Uli and Hank (I keep denying that they're leaving in a day...I think denial works better than realizing...well, never mind, I'm already getting choked up), but Jeff is off on Monday, so hopefully we can pack up most of our room and get rid of that futon!

Random Thoughts

Some of you know that I've been doing a little legal work on my own: I picked up a couple family law cases, there's a bankruptcy case on the horizon, and I'm working with a nonprofit (other than Haiti Scholarships) to put together their incorporation and tax exemption paperwork.

I never thought I'd want to really go out on my own; there are so many things to worry about: office space, getting a fax, malpractice insurance, health insurance, guidance, support, expensive reference materials, other overhead costs, etc. I kinda wanted to work for a nonprofit that could really take care of all of this stuff, but alas, I think it's time for me to strike out on my own.

Which is actually turning out quite nice. We're moving in with Jeff's parents in a week, which means I don't have to stress about making x amount of dollars a month to cover rent. I can take my time in developing my marketing and figuring out what the hell I'm doing.

This brings me to: I need to get my shit together. The problem when I don't have a job is that I have too much free time. And I'm a procrastinator. I work better under pressure. Which doesn't happen when I'm my own boss. So. Things get pushed back. Finding something to watch on Netflix or Hulu takes precedence over researching a good online fax provider. Or health insurance. Or finishing those documents I could file today.

So here's what I need: I need to make a schedule for myself, and stick to it. Even though I don't have an "office," I need to set a few hours every day where I make myself sit at my desk, and get work done. It doesn't matter if the dishes aren't washed, or if laundry needs to be folded, office hours are office hours.

Ideally, my day would start with some exercise, but let's be honest about that one...

But after that, I'm trying to figure out what my most productive time would be: should office hours be in the morning, and then I can spend the afternoon taking care of the random projects I like to do? Or should I do that stuff in the morning, and then after lunch have my office hours?

Maybe once we're settled into our new place I'll try out both schedules, and see which one works better.

On a completely separate note, and maybe I mentioned this before, I'm thinking of switching this blog over to wordpress. Any thoughts? Feels like a huge change; I think it might work better...I can have different categories, pages, etc. Maybe I'll become one of those bloggers who makes tons of money and just stays at home and writes about random stuff (wouldn't that be awesome?!)....ha!

My Day

At the beginning of the week, I really liked the idea that I had nothing on my calendar for Thursday, although I know myself better than to think it'll remain that way (I have been told more than once this week that I'm the busiest unemployed person they know, haha).

So, here's where I was today:

• Irvine: my apartment, packed up a few boxes, went through stuff in the garage. And drank my coffee, obvies.
• Lake Forest: waited around for an empty cart, dropped said packed boxes off at the storage place.
• Ladera Ranch: went to Brookie's store to pick up some boxes she had saved for us (thanks, Brookie!).
• Aliso Viejo: dropped off a table at my mom's house, and hung out for her a little during her lunch hour.
• Laguna Hills: checked the PO box. Junk mail.
• Irvine: home for lunch, prepared my first client bill!
• Santa Ana: meeting with client's father.
• Other part of Irvine: exchanged iced coffee for a donation from the wonderful Ms. Katie, AND got to catch up a little :)
• Irvine: deposited check, went to store to buy dinner, home to make lasagna (would you believe me if I said I made it from scratch? Who am I kidding, only Isabel can do that...).

I really wanted to add Costa Mesa to my list of cities visited today: 1) I wanted to go to bikram since I missed my class last night, and 2) I wanted to check out the unveiling of 31 Bits' new Fall line. But alas, staying home after all that driving was high on my priority list.

All in all, a pretty productive day!