Although most of the thinking and decision-making was done on Friday, that only meant it left the whole weekend for me to second guess what I was doing.
I talked to my boss on Friday about this possible job offer, and he sat me down and we crunched numbers. The result was obvious: it just doesn't make financial sense to take a job at that pay, that far away. Not to mention the toll the commute and work hours would start to take on Jeff and I. He told me I should just stay in his office and work out my own deal, develop a family law practice and maybe immigration if that's what I really want to do. It's hard to argue against something like that when the other choice is commuting to Riverside for a small salary.
One of the main reasons I've put off starting something of my own is because, at least for the time being, I like the idea of working for "someone," "someone" to give me a general sense of direction on what I need to do and how I should do it. I still think one of the reasons I went to law school in the first place was because I wasn't ready to be out "on my own" yet, and I've been postponing this reality for far too long. Trying out this job with Brad will make me grow up and finally do something for myself. I've never had to push myself too hard for things, so I'm scared of the challenges that lie ahead...and I'm nervous that I've made the wrong choice by turning down the job in Riverside. I'm also conflicted about going down this career path when I've been so infatuated with NOT doing a typical attorney career path. This is where my next challenge comes in: not to lose sight of my focus on public service. Regardless of the work I need to do for Brad, I need to continue working on my non profit stuff, continue to develop skills that would make me marketable in a non profit setting, continue volunteering what time I have to causes that I believe in and make me happy. My biggest fear is getting lost, career-wise...getting consumed by doing something "to get by," and before I know it...I'm too old to make anything else happen.
Either way, it's either sink or swim from here...let's hope I'm making the right decisions in this game called life!
so, it's law firm with brad OR the nonprofit job? sometimes we can't do what we want simply because it's financially not possible. but, it's all temporary. one day, and i think you'll know and feel certain, you will be able to and you'll say yes instantly! i think your hesitations and gut feelings are totally accurate and pushing you in the "right" direction. don't worry, babe, you're soooo young! plenty of time to do everything you want. look at me! going on 37 and planning another grad degree...two years from now! i, too, have realized that financially, i need to opt for the "deferred gratification" route; i wasn't born into $$ and cannot declare bankruptcy on my student loans...and, for some reason, i think this job and all that it's teaching me will prepare me and help me down the line...somehow. my two cents...:)
ReplyDeleteI think you made the right choice...that commute would take up so much time...and in the end that is the most important thing...good choice! Now just be the success that you know you will be! :)
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