Eating and Living Healthy...and the Guilt that comes with it!

In walked Liz, holding a rectangular box I recognized all too quickly. Chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Oh. My. Goodness. I love chocolate. I love chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I think I love them a little bit more because I don't eat them all the time, kind of like ferrero rocher or almond roca. I love each and every one of those.

So what's the big deal? The big deal, is that as soon as I see that box, I start having an internal dilemma of massive proportions. If Liz had walked in with that box of chocolates a month before, I would have had that chocolate in the pit of my stomach before she put the box down on the kitchen counter. But a month makes a big difference.

In an attempt to lead a healthier life, and to possibly, maybe, look a little better for our upcoming trip to Vegas, we've been trying to eat healthier food, and we've been going to the gym and trying to get into a workout routine. For those of you who know me, this may sound virtually impossible. But I've actually been pretty good. I'm not crazy about food or eating, but I love eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. My body isn't perfect, but I've also been lucky enough to never have to really watch what I eat to maintain a decent shape. But I've also never had the body I want. I'm not trying to lose a crazy amount of weight, I'd actually be happy with losing maybe five. But I do want to tone up certain parts of my body, especially the belly. The belly that I swore I would get rid of every Summer in high school ("people won't even know who I am when I got back to school!"), but still have, haha.

Here's my beef with eating healthy and working out: it makes me feel guilty about everything I eat! Now that I'm seeing the changes in my body that healthy eating and a regular workout routine can do in a matter of weeks, I feel guilty every time I eat a piece of chocolate or a hamburger. And this is where Liz and her box come in: one month ago, I wouldn't have cared about calories, or how long I'd have to run on the treadmill to even that out. I wouldn't have thought twice about my desire to have one. I just would've had one. But back in present time, I feel guilty. Should I? Or shouldn't I? Should I be good, or should I indulge? Do I really deserve to eat that? Will I have time to go to the gym after this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I will confess: I had one that night. And then I snuck in another one. But it's ok, I still hadn't trained myself very well to resist the temptation. Jeff's mom ended up sending the box of chocolates to my house a couple days later...and I let them sit there. And there they sat, on our kitchen counter. Staring. Glaring. But I stood my ground. Out of an almost full box, I ate only one.

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this going...but I'm gonna try to keep it up.