Titles. Damn Titles.

For those who don't know me very well, I work at a small law firm where clients are constantly calling asking various questions, of various importance. Most of these questions can usually be answered by the receptionist, but I guess there's a level of comfort in hearing your questions being answered by the "attorney," even if I say the exact same thing the receptionist would say. I get it. I'm not going to lie, it makes my day a little more hectic, and sometimes I get frustrated, but I understand where they're coming from.

Here's what I don't understand, though. What makes the receptionist less of a person worthy of respect than the attorney? It's happened multiple times where the receptionist is transferring a call and she says: "sorry Alex, this guy is being a real jerk and is demanding to speak with you." Great. Deep breath. Mental preparation for the battle to come. "This is Alexandra, how can I help you?" "Oh hello Ms. Alexandra..." and continues in the sweetest, nicest tone ever. Not angry. Not upset. They just had a simple question. That the receptionist was trying to answer for them. It actually bothers me more that they're not angry: if they can be angry at the receptionist, why aren't they also angry at me? I know I have a title, but I'm not different than Amber or Nayeli, a person is a person is a person, and we each deserve the same level of respect and civility, regardless of what title we hold in life. It really irks me when people make distinctions on how they treat people, especially when they're based on a piece of paper.

I guess all I can do, personally, is make sure my kids learn better someday.

Loss and Regret

A close family friend passed away today, and it's made me think. Don Rodolfo was my aunt's father-in-law, and he was my pseudo-grandfather when I was growing up (much like his son was my pseudo-father for father-daughter occasions at school). I remember going to visit him and his wife, Dona Carmen, often when I was younger; I remember the brightly colored letter magnets on the fridge, I remember playing in his front yard, eating outside on the picnic table, I remember feeling lost every time we went to their house--no matter how many times I'd been there. Although I wasn't one of their "real" grandchildren, the distinction was never made. They always received me with open arms in their household, looked after me, and Don Rodolfo always had a joke or two up his sleeve for any occasion.

The sad and embarrassing thing is, I can't remember the last time I saw him. Dona Carmen passed away a few years ago, and I know he's had health complications since then. The thought of going to visit him always crossed my mind, but it was one of those "some day in the distant future" kind of thoughts, it was never a "let's make this happen" kind of thought. How terrible is it for a person to realize they've failed at making important things happen. I realize that I fill my life (or stuff my life) with events and activities, and the whole time I know I'm not making time for more important things: my husband, my mom, my family, close friends, my home. I sometimes wonder if maybe it's something psychological, like I have some weird issue with not keeping myself busy, or not planning ahead. I need to plan. I need to organize. But why don't I focus on planning and organizing things that really matter?

As much as we all like to think we don't have regrets ("I have no regrets, everything has been a lesson in life," or "everything happens for a reason"), I admit that I regret not making the time for a simple visit.

Mis disculpas Don Rodolfo; espero que descanse en paz.

Music Corner Wednesday

Ok, so I have to thank Virginia and German for having a facebook music conversation for this one. Creepy, right? This should serve as a reminder to you all: you never know who is reading your facebook conversations....

I know it's long, but I suggest making it through the whole thing :)

LIFE.

Jeff and I were exchanging thoughts the other day, as we often do. This particular topic was one that has interested me for quite some time, and which still baffles me. Basically, it sucks that everyone works themselves to the bone just to live. I know it's not rocket science, and that's not the part that baffles me. What baffles me is that people don't normally make their living doing what they love. Instead, they get stuck doing something they might not like, possibly even hate, and have to work 40-50-60 hours a week doing this, just to get by (obviously, I'm generalizing, there are very fortunate people who don't find themselves in this situation-I do envy them a little).

Regardless of what you do, and whether you like it or not, our society works so hard to achieve certain milestones: a new car, a home you can raise your kids in, financial security to provide your children with all the things you didn't have. (there was an interesting article on this recently, I'll try to post the link later.) I think the latter one is one that scares me the most. Jeff and I have been talking about having kids more and more often lately, and one thing that scares the bejesus out of me is the thought of not being able to provide my kids with the comforts I want to provide them with: a decent house in a safe neighborhood, camping trips, I want my kids to travel and see the world, I want them to take swimming lessons or whatever lessons they want to take, rather then telling them they can't do this or that because we can't afford it.

We work so hard to achieve these things. And here my thoughts go off in two separate directions. First, why is it so hard? Why can't we grow up and do the things we want to do with our life, and also be able to achieve our personal goals? My friend Brooke, for example, easily one of the smartest people I know. She majored in anthropology, and I know she would love to go back to grad school, maybe get her PhD and teach at a university. But she can't afford to go back to school. Jeff would love to make a living off of his art, but it takes time and financial investment, and possibly going back to school. And me. I would love to work at saving the world somehow, working for a non profit, an NGO working on international development, or just volunteering constantly. But I'd have to start by working for free somewhere to get some experience and work my way up with most organizations. I can't afford that right now. So it leaves us all working at jobs we don't like, doing something we're not passionate about, just to pay the bills. We're not even working with a house in mind, we're just working to get by. Why can't we do what we love, and make a living by it? I know people can and they do, I just wonder why we all can't.

My second direction, and this was prompted mostly by my conversation with Jeff. How did our society come to value these milestones, and how did life get so complicated? I know life was difficult back in the day because they didn't have many of the comforts and technological advances we have, but I think that also made life simpler. Brooke mentioned recently that we always feel sorry for people in developing countries living in their dirt huts, but hey, what if they're happy that way? They don't need large screen TV's, and remote-controlled everything. They just need a roof, water, food. Simple comforts. That's how we started. How did we get to where we are today? How did we come to need so much, and to desire one achievement after another? It's common knowledge that we, as people, always want more. Once we get that house, we'll want a new car. Once we get the new car, we'll want to expand the house, or buy a vacation home, or who-knows-what. It's hard to stand back and appreciate where you are in your life, and be thankful for what you have, rather than constantly looking forward to the next step, and checking the next achievement off our list. I know it's especially hard for me right now. There was a presentation I went to a couple weeks ago, and the speaker mentioned this is partly cultural: we are a forward looking culture, while others look towards the past, such as Native Americans, and some are focused on the present.

I need to learn to focus more on the present, to be happy with what I have, and to aim for the stars, but still be happy with wherever I land, since that is probably where God wants me.

Gambling Addictions...A-HA!

I've never been a gambler. I just don't see the point. I think it's mostly because I have awful luck, so gambling is another way of saying "let's throw some money in the trash." So a couple weekends ago we were in Vegas for Julian and Erika's bachelor/bachelorette party, and I guess
you can't really go to Vegas and not gamble just a little bit, so we hit up the slot machines. At this point you might be saying, "well no wonder you never win, no one wins on slot machines." I actually talked to someone last week who won $800 bucks or something on a slot machine. I still can't believe it. But anyway, I play slot machines for several reasons. 1) I'm too intimidated to play at the tables: my math is too slow for blackjack, and I'm too self conscious of looking like an idiot to play any other game, and 2) I can play a penny or a dime at a time on the slot machines: tables require a bit more of a start up investment, which I always lack.

Anyhow, before this trip I just never understand how people can loose so much money on gambling. I mean, if you notice you've just blown $200, why are you going to keep playing? I loose $20 and I start freaking out about everything I could have done with those twenty bucks, so I stop playing.

But then I saw it: we were walking by some slot machines at the New York New York, and I swear it was calling to me. So I sat down, threw in ten bucks, and started playing. I think it was a quarter machine, which is pretty high-roller-status for me. I would get pretty low on my credits, and just when I was about to lose faith, it would give me a few credits, just to keep me going. Much to Jeff and Pat's amusement, I started getting pretty into it. I mean, talking and encouraging my slot machine: "If you don't give me anything, I'm gonna lose all my money and I won't be able to play anymore (tsk, tsk)." Yep, it's true, I did it.

And it was then I could see how some addictions develop: you keep hoping the next play is gonna be it, this one is gonna be a winner, I deserve it, I've been playing all night, something's gonna give. I definitely felt that way. I still walked away after losing about ten bucks only, but I got a sense of the feeling that must overpower people that are addicted to gambling. I guess I'm just lucky I didn't have more money to lose :)

Music Corner: Florence + The Machine

I think Busta introduced me to Florence + the Machine a while ago, but I only heard one song, and I wasn't a huge fan of that song. I forget why, but I wasn't convinced to hear any further. Then "Cosmic Love" came on the radio at work, and I think I pretty much fell in love. I love the passion and depth of her voice. Enjoy.

Charity of the Month: Online Volunteering

And so I come to you, dear readers, not only greatly delayed in my monthly entry, but also with another exception to our definition of "charity of the month." This organization isn't really a charity, per se, but I think it's a great way to put your skills and knowledge to use towards charities. And for people like me, it's a great way to get experience in something I'm interested in, without having to move to DC or NYC.

What is this organization I speak of, you say? Well, it's actually part of the United Nations, a program dedicated to mobilizing volunteers for development: OnlineVolunteering.org. And I quote: "the...service connects volunteers with organizations working for sustainable human development."

The greatest thing about this org is that you can volunteer from the comfort of your own home. You don't have to wake up at 8am on a Saturday, you don't have to make a monetary donation from that non existent savings account. You just volunteer your time, whenever that may be, towards something you're good at. Or something you want to get good at.

You can find a volunteer area by any one of three ways:

1) The kind of work you want to do:

• Research
• Writing and editing
• Translation
• IT development
• Project development and management
• Design
• Consulting
• Coordination and facilitation
• Training and coaching

2) The specific development topic you want to work on

• Education
• Youth
• Development advocacy and strategies
• Integration of marginalized groups
• Governance and human rights
• Health
• Culture
• Income generation and employment
• Environment
• Food and agriculture
• Volunteerism
• Gender

3) The geographic region you're interested in serving:

• Global
• Sub-Saharan Africa
• Eastern Europe, CIS

Pretty cool, huh? I urge you to check out their user friendly website, and see if there are any online volunteer opportunities you find interesting. You may not only learn something new and interesting, but you'd also be helping a worthy organization or charity in achieving their development goals. Personally, I'm really excited to find some time to dedicate to some online volunteer work.

Eating and Living Healthy...and the Guilt that comes with it!

In walked Liz, holding a rectangular box I recognized all too quickly. Chocolate covered macadamia nuts. Oh. My. Goodness. I love chocolate. I love chocolate covered macadamia nuts. I think I love them a little bit more because I don't eat them all the time, kind of like ferrero rocher or almond roca. I love each and every one of those.

So what's the big deal? The big deal, is that as soon as I see that box, I start having an internal dilemma of massive proportions. If Liz had walked in with that box of chocolates a month before, I would have had that chocolate in the pit of my stomach before she put the box down on the kitchen counter. But a month makes a big difference.

In an attempt to lead a healthier life, and to possibly, maybe, look a little better for our upcoming trip to Vegas, we've been trying to eat healthier food, and we've been going to the gym and trying to get into a workout routine. For those of you who know me, this may sound virtually impossible. But I've actually been pretty good. I'm not crazy about food or eating, but I love eating whatever I want, whenever I want it. My body isn't perfect, but I've also been lucky enough to never have to really watch what I eat to maintain a decent shape. But I've also never had the body I want. I'm not trying to lose a crazy amount of weight, I'd actually be happy with losing maybe five. But I do want to tone up certain parts of my body, especially the belly. The belly that I swore I would get rid of every Summer in high school ("people won't even know who I am when I got back to school!"), but still have, haha.

Here's my beef with eating healthy and working out: it makes me feel guilty about everything I eat! Now that I'm seeing the changes in my body that healthy eating and a regular workout routine can do in a matter of weeks, I feel guilty every time I eat a piece of chocolate or a hamburger. And this is where Liz and her box come in: one month ago, I wouldn't have cared about calories, or how long I'd have to run on the treadmill to even that out. I wouldn't have thought twice about my desire to have one. I just would've had one. But back in present time, I feel guilty. Should I? Or shouldn't I? Should I be good, or should I indulge? Do I really deserve to eat that? Will I have time to go to the gym after this? FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

I will confess: I had one that night. And then I snuck in another one. But it's ok, I still hadn't trained myself very well to resist the temptation. Jeff's mom ended up sending the box of chocolates to my house a couple days later...and I let them sit there. And there they sat, on our kitchen counter. Staring. Glaring. But I stood my ground. Out of an almost full box, I ate only one.

I'm not sure how long I'll be able to keep this going...but I'm gonna try to keep it up.

Pakistan vs. Haiti

Photograph: Reuters

A week or so ago I was wondering to myself why the Pakistani floods where not having the sort of attention and international response as the earthquake in Haiti. It was more of a rhetorical question in reality. I don't think it takes a genius to figure out that the lack of response has a lot to do with politics and religion. I did a quick google search to see if I could find any articles on this exact topic, and came across an article entitled "Why are we less generous towards Pakistan than we were towards Haiti?" I really had high hopes that the article would touch on the root causes of the differences in response, but the only truly relative point was: "But I suspect it runs deeper than Zardari’s spectacular stupidity. The image of Pakistan in this country has never been lower. The 7/7 bomb attacks of 2005 and the foiling of numerous subsequent plots has inextricably linked Pakistan with terrrorism. Could this have led people to turn a deaf ear to appeals for help?" And that's where the analysis ended. The author never touched on religion, politics, or anything else really.

Then I read the comments. HOLY HECK! I truly don't understand how there are human beings who write shit like this:

• "To hear we (UK) have donated only 5 million pounds is a disgrace. Indeed it is, no one asked me if my hard earnt taxes should be squandered in this fashion. Truly appalling!"
• "Why are we less generous towards Pakistan than we were to Haiti? Because Haitian people have not organized themselves to try and kills us, that's why. Because Haitian people do not put their women in bin liners, that's why. Whatever may be the problems that Haitian people have inflicted upon themselves over the last two centuries, they have kept themselves to themselves and not tried to export them. That's why."
• "It's madness to expect infidels, us Brits, to give money to a country with a nuclear programme that's headed up by a corrupt president.?
• "Because since 1947 their medieval male dominated culture has irresponsibly increased the population from 31 million to an unsustainable 117 million ensuring continued poverty. It's because normal Pakistanis refuse to join the 21st century, preferring to give their corrupt dynastic leaders a free ride on a flying carpet of corruption, intolerance and ignorance rather than the boot. I could go on, but that would be ungracious."
• "Pakistan is much richer than Haiti and has the resources."
• "Seriously, if you are able to make a nuclear bomb, you should be able to help your people in a time of a natural disaster."
  

I agree that providing financial support in Pakistan provides more challenges than other countries such as Haiti, but I don't think it qualifies as turning a blind eye to the millions of people who will be suffering the consequences of these floods for years and possibly decades.

As to Pakistan being a richer country than Haiti--what matters is whether it is helping their people or not, regardless of what resources they have available. Ideally, yes, every country that has the resources to take care of themselves should, but if they chose not to, are other countries relieved from their moral responsibility to help? I'm sure you can argue both ways, but I think it's no excuse. I'm sure people hate 70-90% of what their taxes are spent on. I would be stoked if my taxes were going to save lives rather than to pay for half the things it actually goes to.

As for religion, terrorism, and politics, I don't think this is the time to use politics and religion as an argument. People are people, regardless of their faiths. And how can you tell who is a terrorist and who isn't? Are you going to let all people die from starvation because you think some of them may be terrorists? Humanity at its best.

And as far as making sure contributions go to aiding victims and not militants, it's the challenge of every disaster stricken country: corruption. Haiti has been dealing with corruption way before the earthquake, but it didn't keep people from contributing. Maybe it's because Christian missionaries have been in Haiti for decades, whereas Christian missionaries might not have a place in Pakistan, who knows. Again, not an excuse: find a solution, create a way to track donations, a way to ensure that donations reach those in need. Easier said than done, I know, but I don't understand why it's impossible.

As for the magnitude of the event, there may not be as many dead as other disasters, but I think it's actually worse that there are so many more people who are or will be affected in the long run by these floods. Fields have been lost, not to mention cattle. People in Haiti were already reliant on food aid, people in Pakistan have lost their source of livelihood and will likely be affected for years to come.

Another ridiculous argument against providing aid to Pakistan is that it's their own fault for being over populated because of their birth rates. Umm...really?! So yeah, maybe they should keep the household numbers down, but again, you're going to let millions suffer because what? they brought it upon themselves by having too many babies?

Ugh I dunno, this entry isn't nearly as organized or as well thought out as I wanted, so I'm sure my "arguments" have plenty of holes, but I wanted to at least put something out there for thought.

Copies and Inspirations

I was at Fed Ex Office earlier this week (I kinda miss that it's not Kinko's anymore, kind of like Costco always really being Price Club) printing out some donation letters I was working on, and I noticed an older gentleman trying to make some copies at the copier next to mine. He seemed thoroughly aggravated with the lack of success he was having at making his copies. I would be too, if my copies were coming out as blank pages. Part of me wanted to help him figure out what was going on, another part of me was saying: the Fed Ex guy can see just as clearly what's going on, and this guy was trying to get the copier to work before I got there...so Lord only knows what's been going or for how long. I think my reluctance, sadly, also had to do with the fact that I was getting charged by the minute to print out my stuff...and those minutes rack up pretty quickly when you have to wait for each document to open. Needless to say, I decided not to play good samaritan, shame on me.

I felt even more shameful after what happened next. As I was gathering my flash drive, papers, folders, bag, etcetera, the man walked past me...apparently he had been walking past me a few times to a set up he had at a table on the other side of me, which I had barely noticed. As I was starting to walk away, his demeanor changed completely, from completely frustrated to way happy! Then he said to me something to the effect of: "you've got a lot of money around you!" or something like that. I laughed and said "I wish." Then he mentioned how every time he walked by me, he got a very good feeling about me. Now, I know what you're thinking: CREEPER. But actually, there was something so genuine about this guy, like he was honestly just happy for ME and for the happiness he sensed for me. He said he had a good feeling, and that good things were coming my way, I just had to keep doing what I was doing, "believe me, I'm always right about these things."

I'm not sure what he meant by "keep doing what your doing," unless he means to just keep trying to figure out what I'm doing with my career. In that case, I will keep trying to figure it out, instead of throwing my hands up in defeat and frustration, as I've felt like doing multiple times in the past few months.

Whether he is an escaped lunatic, a fortune teller, or a divinely inspired being, alls I know is that I walked out of "Kinko's" with a huge smile that was not on my face before, and a sense that indeed, good things could be coming my way. So thank you for that.