Networking

I used to hate it. I kinda still do.

But I'm getting better at it. It's still awkward to walk up to people, introduce yourself, give your "elevator speech," and hand out your business card.

This year I'm on the board of directors for the Orange County Hispanic Bar Association, and I'm also going to meetings and events for the Orange County Community Outreach Committee, not to mention monthly meetings for the Family Law and Immigration Law sections. Being involved in these organizations have really helped me improve my networking skills. It's also given me an opportunity to attend events I wouldn't otherwise be invited to.

For example, this past week we were invited to attend an event put on by Disney, where they invited members from many cultural organizations in Orange County, from various Chamber's of Commerce to the National Society of Hispanic of MBA's, among many others. It was a great group of people, and I got to meet and mingle with people from all different backgrounds and experiences. I feel so thankful that I'm part of an organization that gives me opportunities to do things like this, even if it's at the expense of feeling awkward sometimes :)

Blogging and Lent

I can't believe how long it's been since I blogged. Jeff told me recently that I really need to keep writing, regardless of how busy I get with other things. It's funny how this started as something to keep me busy while I was unemployed, and it's become a creature of it's own. Sometimes I wonder why I keep writing, since it's hard to really know whether it makes a difference to anyone else whether I blog or not. Does anyone really care if I keep finding new charities to share? Does anyone care if I go to the gym or not? Are my discussions on development interesting to anyone other than myself? As I get busier with weddings, clients for my firm, and the other bajillion miscellaneous activities that I fill my days with, I can't help but wonder if I'm being smart about the time I spend writing on here.

But I think Jeff is right. Jeff points out that my writing has improved significantly since I started, so that's a reason right there to keep going. It also forces me to look for and find out about other great nonprofits out there. Something I probably wouldn't do if I didn't have to write my monthly entry. And it's an avenue to share what I think are important social issues.

So, I just need to become more efficient with my time management :) Which leads me to...lent! A few years ago I started debating whether I wanted to give up something, or the modern alternative of trying to improve something about myself (stop cussing, don't talk smack about people [as much], be a better daughter, etc.). I'm gonna try to do a combination this year: I gave up chocolate (Jeff's mom made brownies the other day....they look so so so good), and I've decided to give up laziness as well. This means being showered and dressed before Jeff goes to work, no more morning coffee-internet-hulu-Reader sessions. I need to "go to work" on time, even if that means putting on jeans instead of pj's, and sitting at the desk instead of the bed. My goal is to actually make it through my "to do" list, instead of just writing it every day.

Here's to increased productivity, and chocolate withdrawals!

Recent Source of Inspiration

Upon a recent viewing of Ferris Bueller's Day Off, I was inspired by this line:

"I am not going to sit on my ass as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it."

I feel like this is the year to really live this line. I don't think I've ever been so in control of my future. It really IS up to me to determine the course of my life: am I going to rise to the challenge of starting my firm, and make it a success? Am I going to do a half-ass job (like I did with law school and college) and be content with mediocrity? Or will I strive for perfection? It's all up to me.

The Other Day...

I went to Grower's Direct the other day to pick up some delicious raspberries and blueberries (yes, I specifically went to the store to get just that). As I was checking out, I happened to look up and saw one of the employees who was stocking grapes....he seemed to be chewing something, very very slowly.

Huh.

His mind seemed to be anywhere but in the job that was unfolding before him: he was standing and slowly, ever so slowly, zipping up a bag of grapes that he was about to stock, with his gaze looking off to God knows where. He placed the bag with all the other bags of grapes already on display.

Then, again, very slowly, as if he was trying to drag out this task as long as he possibly could, he grabbed another bag of grapes from the box on his cart, he opened it, took one grape, put it in his mouth, and repeated the above scene, sloooooooowly zipping up the bag again, and placing it on the display area.

I realized he was taking out exactly one grape from every bag, right before he placed it on the display area. He had a smile on his face, and I couldn't help but be happy for him: I doubt this job is his ideal job, or one that he thoroughly enjoys, but if sneaking in a grape every now and then can make you happy, more power to you!

The more grapes he sneaks in, the less I'll have to pay for that bag of grapes.

More Updates...

....is this getting boring for you, dear Reader? I've been posting these "updates" more frequently, because...well, honestly, they're way easier to write than the other blogs I've been wanting to write. Those require multiple drafts, and research, and actual thought.

These...I just tell you what I did or didn't do!

I should be able to crank out some more thoughtful blog posts next month, when things aren't so crazy, but until then....let me tell you what I've been up to!

I had an asylum hearing for a pro bono client on Monday; gearing up for it was pretty hectic, and I'll be honest: I'm glad it's over. Un/fortunately, the judge didn't render her decision after the hearing, so I'm not sure whether we were successful or not (decision will either be mailed, or given at a hearing in April). I definitely learned a lot from this case, and although I'm sure I'll take another case from KIND sometime in the future, I'm happy to not have that looming over my head anymore. It's also pretty emotional stuff....I think I've really been compartmentalizing this case a lot so it doesn't affect me, because I hate to think what's going to happen to my client if he isn't granted asylum and has to return to his country of origin. He's such a great kid, it just makes me really sad.

Anyhow. Compartmentalizing.

I went to bikram yoga yesterday AND today. I wanted to see if I could handle back to back sessions. My back was a little sore from yesterday's work out, and although today's session didn't necessarily help that, I'm feeling a lot better now. I haven't been eating enough before going, in fear that I'll eat too much and get sick, but I think what has been happening is that I don't eat enough, so I end up getting dizzy about 15 minutes into an 80 minute workout. Today was the first time that I didn't have to sit out any major portions of the routine, which I'm really excited about.

This week has been the week of meetings and basically not being home for dinner. Monday was tutoring (we worked on a science project, which was AWESOME!), Tuesday night I had a meeting for the Annual Meeting and Fundraiser for Corazon that I've helped put together (it's on Saturday, let me know if you're interested in attending), tonight was my first meeting as a director for the OC Hispanic Bar Association (I got to say things like "yay" and "nay" in a non-sarcastic, totally-serious manner), tomorrow I'm meeting a potential client for The Merry Ministers at 7:30 p.m., and Friday I'm heading to the Oceanside area to help out with a church retreat for confirmation students, oh and Saturday is the Corazon event.

Let's just say, I'm really excited for Sunday :)

Today I met with a client, went to Goodwill and Salvation Army to look for a filing cabinet (I've outgrown my little file drawer on my desk!), and got to enjoy lunch with Jeff...we sat out in the backyard and were able to enjoy some of today's amazing weather. I absolutely LOVE being able to see Jeff in the middle of my day.

I also deposited money into my business account, as well as my client trust account. That felt pretty cool. Due to the former deposit, I was also able to write out a check for my State Bar annual dues (um, no biggie, just FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS). Last year I had to ask my family to help me cover the expense because I couldn't come up with the money. It's nice to see that I'm moving in the right direction, and being able to pay this money from my business account rather than our personal account was HUGE.

Jeff and I resorted to our mantra on Saturday, and reminded ourselves that we had to keep putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations to experience new things. We were both pretty wiped out--I had attended a 6-hour MCLE, and Jeff had helped his dad with some kitchen remodeling duties--and we were really tempted to cancel both of our social commitments for the night. But we stuck with them, and were really excited we did. Jeff got to meet the people I've been meeting with throughout the last year in organizing stuff for Corazon, and then we had a genuinely good time at a karaoke lounge in Irvine. The latter event was definitely out of our comfort zone, and given that we weren't getting there until after 10 p.m., it was way past our bedtime. BUT, we sang out little hearts out, and had a great time. So, keep in mind: the mantra works!

We haven't done so good on the eating healthy part lately...

Jeff has been incredibly productive over the last few days. He's been working really hard on editing all the pictures he's taken in the last couple months, including pictures from our trip to Big Bear. He has so much talent it's insane. Here are some of my favorite (mostly) scenic pictures:

In closing, I want to encourage all of you to start getting into the Valentine's Day spirit, and buy some hand made valentines cards made by yours truly. I have to say, they're pretty darn cute! And all of it goes to help Haiti Scholarships. So, get back into the spirit of being in second grade, and send your mom and best friends some Valentine love :)

Jeff took these pictures also :) If you're interested in purchasing them, you can get more info here.

If you made it this far into my random cathartic writing, thank you for reading, and good night!

Resolution Updates

This week I was trying to figure out something different to make for lunch that wasn't sandwich's or microwaveable pizzas. I was at a loss walking around the grocery store, when I saw tortilla wraps...ta-da! So I ran to the other side of the store and added sprouts and hummus to the cart. Not too shabby, eh?

I also started my yoga classes yesterday, which made me incredibly, but beautifully, sore today.

I wasn't as productive on the law firm front, but I did attend a meeting for South Orange County church youth ministers, caught up with quite a few great friends, had a brief meeting with a client, did some contract work, and attended a webinar for silent auction fundraisers. Oh and I started tutoring with my family again! It was so great to see them again, and catch up on all that both families have been up to.

Oh and had a meeting with some potential clients for The Merry Ministers, and set up another appointment with potential clients for Sunday.

I've been procrastinating a little on some stuff, so next week it's time to step it up.

Resolution Updates

Today, I got up early to stand in line at the DMV by 7:30 a.m. No matter how early you think is early enough for this mission, it never is. There was already a line of about 12 people in front of me. It's ok though, I made it out by 8:30 a.m., license renewed, eye exam and photo taken. Not gonna lie, I was a little nervous about that eye exam...but they have really low standards, so I was fine (not sure how safe that makes me feel though).

Next up was the car dealership where I had to take my little car in to get an oil change (don't worry kids, I don't usually take it to the dealership, but I had a coupon...and it included a free car wash, which my car desperately needed). I was out of there by 9:30 a.m.

I got back home, and couldn't believe it wasn't even 10:00 a.m. yet. Dealt with some client issues, talked to opposing counsel and gave him a two week extension on his discovery, did final number crunching for Haiti Scholarships and sent out a check.

For lunch I ate the rest of the salad I had prepared the day before for--I hadn't put dressing on it, so it was still good. I added an avocado to it. Avocado makes everything better. Met up with Karin for lunch, got caught up and agreed to plan the Cinco de Mayo event for the HBA.

Which brings me to...my first resolution failure.

I didn't write this one down, but I did mention it to Jeff, so it's as good as if it was in writing: I told myself, and Jeff, that I would stop committing myself to new events for a while. But I got an email from Diana asking me to co-chair the HBA Program Committee...and I was honestly a little giddy about getting to help people plan their events (LAME, yes), that I said yes without even thinking about it. Oops.

I'm sure Jeff isn't surprised.

Anywho...

I snacked on milk and cherries--no cookies.

Took a bunch of stuff to storage that was crowding our room, and then I went to a local credit union to open up my business banking and IOLTA account. I think I've been putting this off for a while because it really makes things official...I now have checks and a card that say "Law Office of [insert my full name here--it makes for a very long firm name]" Crazy. But, it's done. So it must be really happening.

Jeff and I got home at about the same time, so I sent a couple emails real quick, and then we headed out for our walk/run. We jogged about a quarter of our mile, and walked the rest of it. We figure we'll slowly work this up to where we're running 3 miles. Jeff has been keeping track of our last 3 walks on an app he got for his iPhone, and it was pretty cool to see that we completed each of our walks about one minute faster each time. Not bad!

We had home-made chili for dinner last night. Maybe not the healthiest thing, but holy cow can Jeff's mom make delicious chili!

I was comatose after eating seconds, so the rest of my evening was spent on the couch...

2012: I'm mentally exhausted from planning you out already.

One great thing about this blog is that I can look back at what I've written in the past: reading about resolutions I've made before, my little faith in them, and how I haven't followed through with them.

Regardless (irregardless, for some), it's still nice to set some goals for myself...I mean, even if I accomplish part of them, there's some success in that.

On our way home yesterday from celebrating the incoming New Year with my family, Jeff asked me what my resolutions where--and I'm just realizing now I never asked him what his were, #wifefail--and I had a difficult time putting what I feel my resolutions are, into words. I kind of want to work on everything this year, the whole mind, body, spirit thing.

I want to go back to my April-2011 resolution and focus on eating better, and being more active. We were good for a little bit, but we've really let it slide. It's so easy to let other things take priority in your life. I did get an online deal for yoga, so that should help me for the first month or so on the "active" part. As for eating, Jeff and I cook a lot less now that we live with his parents, so there's only so much control we have over that--but there's always room for improvement.

I also need to figure out where Jeff and I are going, career-wise and financially. Some pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place (like finally getting health insurance later this month!), and I really feel that this is the year we'll get things together. It's funny reading my post from January 2010, where I had the same concerns--and a little disheartening that I'm still trying to figure out the same things...2 years later. But I really do feel that I can accomplish a lot with my career this year.

One phrase that Jeff and I started saying like a mantra in early 2011 was that we had to "put ourselves in uncomfortable situations to experience new things." I feel I've done this a lot with my career, although altered a little bit: "putting myself in uncomfortable situations to get experience." Haha, it's been working though. I have said "yes" to things I would have been too afraid to say yes to before, and I think the outcome has been surprisingly reassuring. I've made appearances for immigration court in Los Angeles, I've taken on my own clients in an area of law that, at the time, I was largely unfamiliar with, I've learned how to retain clients, I started officiating weddings and make some money off of something I never thought of doing. Jeff has also done the same: he put his art in several venues this past year, and he started making money off of his photography skills, something that I know he was really uncomfortable with, but that he's truly great at. I know it took a lot of courage for him to do that, and I appreciate the hell out of him for putting himself out there.

All of these little steps have made us a little more comfortable, and just slightly more secure in our ability to pursue self-employment. Which leads us to.....

EUROPE!!

We've been wanting to go for a while. Jeff's brother and his brother's family recently moved back to Germany, so it's a great time to go, visit, and travel. Jeff and I also want to start thinking about expanding our own little family, but we think it's important to experience something like traveling through Europe before we do that. Neither one of us has ever been there, and it's been a while since we traveled together. Have I mentioned that we travel great together? I'm starting to get extremely excited about this, mainly because I think that for the first time since we've been together, it's actually financially feasible for us to do it. It'll take some intense savings for the next five months, but I think we can manage.

So, 2012, by the time you are gone, I'm hoping to:

• Formalize and develop my firm
• Develop Haiti Scholarships (this includes major fundraising efforts, and increasing our relationship with our students)
• Work with Jeff to develop and market his art and photography
• Keep working on promoting The Merry Ministers
• Check everything off my "Epic To Do List"
• Go to Europe
• Get preggers!!

So yeah...2012 should be easy peasy!

Life Plan

Something I've come to realize in this last year or so as I've just kind of been fumbling through life (career-wise, not personal--that side of my life is always awesome), is that I miss, maybe even need, a structured plan.

Elementary school is elementary school...you're worried about what your mom packed you for lunch, or whether the nuns are going to confiscate your scrunchie because it doesn't conform to the school colors of brown, green, black or white (oh wait, was that just me?).

Junior high you start thinking about what's gonna happen after...and you know you've got four years of high school before you really have to worry about anything else.

High school you start thinking ahead to college, but you have counselors and parents around you telling you what you need to do to get there. Take the SAT. Study and get good grades. You know how many credits you need to graduate, and what classes you need to take to graduate. You fill out college applications, send them out.

College is a more serious version of high school: you have to pick a major, but once you do that, it's all laid out before you: you need x units of general ed, x units towards your major, throw in a foreign language, make sure you get passing grades on all of them, and you're set.

I know, it's a simplistic view of our whole educational life, but bear with me.

I sometimes feel that one of the few reasons I went to law school was because I still needed this plan. I didn't really know what to do next...so I decided to get back into a system that planned things out for me. It planned my next three years. Granted, it got me into a huge financial debt, but I've talked about my woes regarding that already.

But after law school...I feel like I'm completely lost. There's no one telling me what credits I need to complete to move on to the next stage or chapter of my life. And it freaks me the fuck out (sorry mom).

Brookie and I talked about it this week, and it was refreshing to know that I'm not the only one that feels like this. Maybe that's why I finally sat down to share this on my blog, even though I've been meaning to write it for months.

Most people don't need this sort of "planning," and instead thrive on just taking care of things as they come along. I really wish I was more like that (another blog I've been meaning to write is how much I hate my type-A personality sometimes). But alas, I need a plan.

A light bulb went on this morning. I looked for an email my friend Sheena sent me eons ago, with an attachment entitled: "Visioning and Personal Action Plans." TA-DA! She's pretty much been telling me I should do this for over a year, and I kept putting it off. I think it's time.

So. Brookie and I have date: life planning.

30 Before 30

I recently saw a pretty cool blog idea where the writer wrote a list of things she wanted to accomplish, and then came back a year later and checked off which ones she had done, adding a link to her blog post of said activity. I thought I would do the same...and then I started thinking...it's already November...by next November, I'll be on the eve of my 30th birthday (by "eve," I mean about four months away...if you know my husband, ask him a funny story about this). I also saw a friend who did a "30 before 30" list: things she wanted to accomplish before turning 30 (am I insulting your intelligence? pretty self explanatory?) So, why not combine my list of things I want to accomplish with this little, minor, not-a-big deal birth year and make it into a 30 before 30? I found no good reason not to, so here we go. Let's see if I can find 30 things I want to do...

I want to:

1. First and foremost, I want to be settled into a job. No more uncertainty of what I'm doing...whether it's working somewhere, or working on my own, I want it to be legit, I want to be able to get pregnant if we decide we're ready, I want to have health insurance, I want to feel financially....hmmm....not-on-the-verge-of-being-broke? I know this is a lot for #1, but I think they all are part of one big package.
2. Travel. There are too many places I want to go to: Germany (Mike, Uli & Hank!), Spain (Isa!), Hawaii (again, self-explanatory, but I want to be consistent with the parenthesis), Guatemala (grandma), Haiti (self explanatory). I'm not expecting all of these to happen before I turn 30. I'd be happy with one or two.
3. Become serious about some sort of work out: whether it be walking/hiking, or picking up rock climbing again, which I miss doing.
4. Develop my blog. This includes moving to Wordpress, as well as figuring out how to make Adsense make me more money. I think since I started blogging two years ago (almost exactly!), I've made about $12 bucks. I'm not saying I'm not happy with my earnings...but I'm also not saying I wouldn't mind more. I just need to figure out how to do that without changing what I write about or plastering my blog with ads.
5. Develop Jeff's art: portfolio, more art shows, website, you name it.
6. Earn my blue shirt from Corazon
7. Make it to Arizona to visit Courtney (this I technically want to cross off my list early in the year)
8. Develop Haiti Scholarships into a successful nonprofit
9. Jump out of a plane
10. Go camping
11. Go wine tasting
12. Eat healthier, regularly
13. Travel to Portland or Seattle
14. Learn to say no, when necessary
15. Have a romantic getaway weekend with Jeff (we've been talking about going to Solvang for a while now)

Hmm. I'm about 15 accomplishments short of 30.

I guess I could fill it in with 15 things I want to have before I turn 30...but that's too materialistic to be a serious goal.

Suggestions?

The Day I got Two Letters

Last week, an old college buddy invited me to participate as a speaker in a career fair at his school in downtown LA. I confessed to Jeff that this has been something of a bucket list item for me: I've always wanted to participate, or be asked to participate, in a career day at a school. I'm not sure why. Maybe it makes me feel better about spending so much time and money on my education. Maybe it helps my self-esteem a little bit. Whatever the reason, I obviously said yes.

So I went. I tried to find a balance between: follow your dreams, but don't be stupid about thinking you're going to become a millionaire just because you invest tons of money into a degree. If it's your dream, do it. If you just want to make money, think it through. I'm not sure how much of this made sense to them, or if they even cared, but at least it was good practice for my public speaking skills.

On her way out, one girl dropped a note on the table in front of me. It was folded in that way that you fold all notes that you pass in class in high school. The outside said:

"To: you

From: [her name]"

I liked the "you."

Then I opened it.

"Hey there well i don't know your name but it seems like you're

a good person. My point is if you can help us we've been here in CA for 12 or 11 years we are not citizens or nothing. Well to tell you a little background when i was 2 or 3 years old i came here illegally hope you don't take us back to Mexico. me and my dad and some friends were brought here first then they brought my mom. anyway can you help us fix our papers only me and my parents where born in Mex. My bros and sis were born here....Please help us I don't want this to affect me when i get to college :) please call. oh i'm a freshman

ABOUT ME!

well i like art. i want to have 2 jobs when i grow up

my dad never finds a job

my mom takes care of my bros

want to know more write back or you can come pull me out of clase! please"

My first reaction was, wow, someone is asking ME for help, and there's a possibility that I can help them. That's an amazing feeling.

But then I think more about it, and it makes me a little angry. It sucks that this freshman in high school is already worried about whether she'll be able to go to college or not, because her parents brought her here illegally when she was a baby. That sucks. That really sucks. And who should have to dream about having two jobs just to have stability?

I read it again later, and then realized she asked me to pull her out of class, and I had to laugh. So typical of being in high school: hey, here's this super serious issue I have, can I use it to ditch my next class? I'm not saying the only reason she wrote to me was to get out of class, but I think it's hilarious that she took the opportunity to try to get out of class :)

I haven't had a chance to call her yet, but I will. I'm thinking if her parents haven't fixed their situation yet, it's probably because they can't. But it's worth finding out if money is the only thing holding them back or not.

After that, I went to a book club meeting, and then I finally went home. And there I found these:

Along with my second letter of the day. It was a card from Jeff. The front says "incredible." The inside text says: "to listen deeply, love without limits, and live with intention. you inspire me to be more." Jeff added:

"I'm so proud of you sweetheart. I am sure all your hard work will pay off. Just keep being you. My caring, focused, over planning beautiful wife. No matter what any one else says, I know you will figure it out."

I'm not sure what I did to deserve him, but I'm so happy I have him in my life.

Days like that day, and words like those words, help me believe that my semi-unconventional path is a-ok.

Getting it Right

These past two weeks have been pretty great. I've received some comments lately that have reinforced where I'm going with my life, and make me feel like I'm doing something right. Maybe not everything, but something.

Abby contacted me about looking for volunteer work for her daughter. I know, this isn't huge, and I'm sure she could have just looked something up online, but...she asked me. I was her go-to person, and I thought that was pretty fabulous.

A couple days after that, I got a message from someone I went to undergrad with. He's now doing some pretty great things, including working towards a Ph.D. He's part of an organization at his school that does some community service projects, and he messaged me asking about some of the organizations I have worked with. We still have to chat a little about what he needs/is looking for, but again...he thought about and contact me when needed to talk to someone about this.

Then, my friend Annie posted this on my wall (not the actual wall of my room...but you know...the cyber kind of wall):

"I was just thinking...Steve Jobs started Apple out in his garage and now, its this incredible company changing the lives of so many people in the world (not to mention, he was the CEO of Pixar, movies I love). If he can do it, I know you can too. Go make your dreams a reality, Alex! I am here every step of the way to support you! Love you!"

Seriously? Amazing.

Finally, yesterday after tutoring I stopped by my mom's house for a little visit. Her work has these jobs once a year where nonprofits and charitable organizations come out, and try to get you to donate a couple bucks from each of your paychecks to them. My mom picked up a book for me, as well as some other material from a nonprofit called "Zambia's Scholarship Fund." Inside the book was the business card for the President of the organization, and a handwritten dedication:

"Alexandra, thanks for your good works."

All of this has been almost surreal, to be quite honest. I feel really happy that when people want to participate in volunteer work or charity work, I'm the person that pops into their head. I guess part of it is because sometimes I feel guilty or silly about all the stuff I post on here and facebook about this kind of stuff...I feel like it may not really matter, or that no one really cares. Getting these messages from people, however, makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I feel like I should add a disclaimer here. I'm not sharing these vignettes because I think they're right, or because I think I deserve it, but because it is really encouraging, and gives me hope that I'm on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I've let people down by not pursuing a traditional legal career, or any traditional career. Hearing these comments and getting these emails/messages from people helped me realize that I'll be okay no matter what. Regardless of what nonconventional path I follow, I have people who are interested in what I do, people who will support me and my endeavors, and people who appreciate the kind of work I hope to keep doing.

Thank you :)

Growth Spurts

I had a 2-3 month hiatus from my tutoring family, from May to July-ish. Between my oddly hectic schedule, and them flying off the Spain and Ireland for the Summer, it was easier to just cancel things for a while.

As soon as they started school though, I got the text asking if I wanted to keep tutoring this year. HELLS TO THE YEAH. That was my response.

So a few weeks ago I drove to their house for the first time in what felt like ages. I was not ready for what was about to go down.

When the door opened, their youngest was there, and said (very clearly) "hello." "Oh, are you talking now?" "Yes." WTF?! How did this little boy go from being a tiny little baby, who was kinda stumbling around, to walking very steadily and blurting out full coherent lines, and understanding everything I said?

Then the second to youngest peeps his head from around the corner (he's always hiding from me...I haven't figured out why yet). It seems like he had a make over this Summer, and is sporting a completely new look. A look that makes him look like a little boy instead of a toddler.

I seriously felt like it had been at least a year since I'd seen them, based on their current appearance. I know...kids grow fast...but still...this felt insane.

The best part was when we sat at the dinner table. Remember how the second to youngest (I'm gonna have to come up with nicknames for them pretty soon..) used to say the prayer before dinner? It would kinda be semi-coherent, and the parents would help out. Well, he can say it perfectly clear now. And the youngest has taken his place: he now asks to say the blessing each time, and fumbles his way to the end. I felt a strange sense of deja-vu :)

I love seeing each of these children through their various phases of growing up. I really hope I can continue to be a part of this amazing family years after they no longer need a tutor.

Related posts:

Amen!

Kids make the world go round

Little Updates: A little bit of this, a little bit of that.

Well, we finished moving and are completely settled in to our new home with Jeff's parents. For any who were curious, it's going really well. His parents are wonderful and easy to live with. It was weird at first just getting used to having roommates again, so I can't make Jeff's coffee in my PJ's (underwear...), but all of that is pretty minor. We really like our new room; in fact, we kinda like it better than the room from our apartment! Jeff's mom let me have the desk they had in the living room, which is pretty amazing. It has little cubbies for all my office/work stuff, and a drawer with a filing cabinet (nerd), and it's pretty amazing.

I still haven't quite figured out my productivity schedule. I'm up by 7:30am, which is when I make coffee for Jeff, make sure he's out of bed and on his way to work. It's not that he asks for me to wake up and make his coffee, but I just wake up at that time anyway. I can't seem to sleep in past 7...ever (except for Sunday, but that's because I was up on Saturday at 3:40am, and was in 100 degree heat all day...), so might as well get up and be productive. Anyhow, I check emails and my reader, maybe listen to a webinar from CharityHowTo or the Foundation Center, pick up the room a little, and then I either procrastinate by working on random projects (like doing cross stitch on an old blanket that's falling apart), or I try to get some work done on my cases. I really need to get better on focusing on the latter.

It's been pretty amazing though, this whole, "working on my own" thing. I can meet clients whenever I want, I can work on their stuff whenever I want, I can have lunch with friends whenever I want, I can book myself for volunteer events whenever I want.

I did apply for a part-time volunteer coordinator position at a non-profit that is literally 1.5 miles from our house. It doesn't pay much, but it would be great to work in something that I really want to acquire some skills and experience in, and also have a steady paycheck while I wait for clients to pay me. The organization looks amazing, and one that I'd like to be involved in over the long-term if things work out, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed.

We were finally able to buy Jeff the camera he's been wanting (Nikon D7000), and he got an amazing flash and lens for it (we had to return the lens because the automatic focus didn't work, hopefully we get a new one back soon). He's got two small weddings that he's already booked for this month, so we're hoping that will be an additional source of revenue for us. As for my wedding officiant business, I had one wedding last month in Spanish, and I've got two booked for this month. Our free Google advertising dried up, so I'm gonna have to invest some real money into our website if I want to keep getting leads. Seems like it's worth it so far.

So, between wedding ceremonies, legal cases, wedding photography, Jeff's steady work...I think we might be pulling it off finally. Which has me really worried. So far, our life has always been a bit of give and take: something great happens, then something else happens to even things out, and we land exactly where we were before that great thing happened. So here we are, not having to pay rent, with some steady and unsteady flows of income...to the point where we can save and invest in things...and I'm honestly nervous about what's around the corner. I feel like something has to happen to even things out again, there's too much good going on right now.

I hope I'm wrong. I really, really hope I'm wrong. Because seeing a light at the end of the tunnel is kinda nice.

Random Thoughts

Some of you know that I've been doing a little legal work on my own: I picked up a couple family law cases, there's a bankruptcy case on the horizon, and I'm working with a nonprofit (other than Haiti Scholarships) to put together their incorporation and tax exemption paperwork.

I never thought I'd want to really go out on my own; there are so many things to worry about: office space, getting a fax, malpractice insurance, health insurance, guidance, support, expensive reference materials, other overhead costs, etc. I kinda wanted to work for a nonprofit that could really take care of all of this stuff, but alas, I think it's time for me to strike out on my own.

Which is actually turning out quite nice. We're moving in with Jeff's parents in a week, which means I don't have to stress about making x amount of dollars a month to cover rent. I can take my time in developing my marketing and figuring out what the hell I'm doing.

This brings me to: I need to get my shit together. The problem when I don't have a job is that I have too much free time. And I'm a procrastinator. I work better under pressure. Which doesn't happen when I'm my own boss. So. Things get pushed back. Finding something to watch on Netflix or Hulu takes precedence over researching a good online fax provider. Or health insurance. Or finishing those documents I could file today.

So here's what I need: I need to make a schedule for myself, and stick to it. Even though I don't have an "office," I need to set a few hours every day where I make myself sit at my desk, and get work done. It doesn't matter if the dishes aren't washed, or if laundry needs to be folded, office hours are office hours.

Ideally, my day would start with some exercise, but let's be honest about that one...

But after that, I'm trying to figure out what my most productive time would be: should office hours be in the morning, and then I can spend the afternoon taking care of the random projects I like to do? Or should I do that stuff in the morning, and then after lunch have my office hours?

Maybe once we're settled into our new place I'll try out both schedules, and see which one works better.

On a completely separate note, and maybe I mentioned this before, I'm thinking of switching this blog over to wordpress. Any thoughts? Feels like a huge change; I think it might work better...I can have different categories, pages, etc. Maybe I'll become one of those bloggers who makes tons of money and just stays at home and writes about random stuff (wouldn't that be awesome?!)....ha!

And so it begins...

The first boxes into our storage unit.

Mostly books.

I feel like a bad mother leaving them in there.

I rationalize it by telling myself that they'll be unpacked into a better home someday.

Until then, at least they've got climate control!

Random Updates...

I've been going to the gym! Well, to be honest last week I failed, but the two weeks before that I was a frequent visitor, and I went today. I do have a confession: today was the first time there was no one else there (it's the small gym from my apartment complex), so when the below song came on my Pandora...I actually did a little dancing on the elliptical. It was very niiiice.

(In asking Jeff for help in finding this video, he just shared with me how him and Pat used to cruise around bumping their Pure Funk CD. I love him.)

Anyhow, not sure if I mentioned that we put in our 30-day notice at our apartment complex. We did. Sigh. We're really gonna miss this place. I stopped by the leasing office today to pick up some move out paperwork, and they kindly informed me that no matter how clean we leave this place, they're still gonna rape us for all that our deposit is worth, and more. Uuuuuggghhhh.

So, in preparation for this monumental move, we started packing today. We decided to start with the stuff that's easy to pack: DVD's and books (I'm terrified of packing up the kitchen. Uuuuuggghhhh x2). In packing up the books I came across the one item I've ever stolen [from a store], in my life. I was about six or seven. I have a super clear picture of the parking lot, and the check out stand, but for the life of me I can't remember what store it was. What I do remember is that by the check out stand there was something I really wanted, and my mom said "No" when I asked her to buy it for me. It was like a buck fifty, and I was a little pissed she wouldn't spend a buck fifty on me (as in $1.50, not $150.00).

My mom and the register lady started chatting it up, which I took as a distraction mechanism. I'm not sure what I was thinking, but I grabbed what I wanted and hid it in my sweater. We then walked out of the store and into my mom's Mitsubishi, which was sweltering. "Why don't you take off your sweater? It's hot in here." I tried to make up some excuse, but the heat was undeniable, and mother knows best. It probably didn't help that I must've had the most guilty expression on my face ever.

So, she made me take off my sweater...and that thing I had just stolen slipped out. Needless to say, she wasn't happy. I started crying. She threatened to make me go inside and return it (we were still sitting in the car, in the parking lot), but I think she was a little embarrassed herself, and my tears were probably pretty convincing of my regret. So, we never returned it. It's actually floated around between my mother (yeah, she had the nerve to keep it for HERSELF!), then my grandmother, and when I found it again a few years back, I finally took possession of it.

What is it?

A BOOKMARK!

Hahhahaha, so lame.

The Death of Bookstores...and Books

So originally this blog started with a reference to a prior post about my emotional breakdown at Blockbuster when they were all closing down...but then I went to look for the post and alas, I never wrote it. Sigh. In short: I was really bummed by the realization that movie stores are now a thing of the past. Sure, there's redbox and netflix and hulu, but there's something to be said for actually walking into a place, looking around aisles and aisles of movies, arguing with your husband over what you want to watch, finding nothing, and then walking out with something you're kind of ok watching. And then having to physically return it so you don't get charged late fees. Sounds less than glorious, but I kinda liked that experience. Knowing that future generations will never know what that's like is kind of sad...and scary. Things are changing so quickly these days (I wonder if that's how older generations felt also...).

Ok, now we can move on to this post. I’m having a similar emotional breakdown about Border’s closing down. One more down. It makes me wonder: how much longer until Barnes & Noble closes down? How much more after that until books are no longer published? Which just made me think back to Blockbuster…how much longer do you think DVD’s and Blue Ray’s will be around for? I wonder if it’s just a matter of time before all movies will only be available for download, online or directly through your cable provider.

There’s been talk for a while about the death of the publishing industry, and it honestly makes me sad. Indeed, the title of this blog is less than creative, since a simple google search of "death of books" or "death of bookstores" will come up with ample reading material (including this one, which is a great sentimental piece about the love and affinity of books, compared to e-books: "'I wonder if anyone has ever cried while reading an e-book'").

As great as I hear they are, the idea of reading on a Nook or Kindle just doesn’t cut it for me. I like having the actual book, I like being able to put it on my bookshelf when I’m done reading it. I like turning the pages. I like highlighting parts of it, and writing notes in the margins (yeah…I really do that). Jeff agrees with me on the sentimentality of having physical books to hold and turn pages to, but he also made a good point: in our day and age, we really shouldn’t be cutting down trees just to make books; it makes complete sense to move to electronic forms of publishing, which are cheaper and have less of a negative impact on the environment. He compared it to using gas as fuel for our cars: it’s something our society should be past already. Like one of the articles linked on this post mentioned (but I'm too lazy to find it, quote it and re-link it), I do understand the utility of e-books when traveling, or for large reference books, etc. I couldn’t agree more, but the idea of books someday being a "1984" thing of the past is scary. Kindle has actually taken all of the sentimentalities into their ad campaigns, and I think I hate them just a little bit for mocking my emotions:

As mentioned in the Huffington Post: "Electronic books may make rare texts available to the world and allow us to pack dozens of books in our carry-on bags, but they also single-handedly responsible for the decline of print publishing." The whole article is actually a good read, and in closing expresses the sentiment which has keep me away from the closing sales at Borders: "Surrounded by red and hornet-yellow markdown tags, I couldn't help but feel I wasn't witnessing the death of a bookstore, but the slow, succumbing death of the book itself." That was my exact thought when I heard of the closing of Borders. Books, in their entirety, will someday cease to exist. In someone else's words: "...the idea of reading printed books will be a tiny boutique experience, not unlike collecting vinyl."

I imagine that our kids are going to have all of their textbooks downloaded to their laptops. They won’t have to lug around heavy textbooks for French class or Algebra. They’ll just have their laptop with all their textbooks on there. Will libraries become nonexistent? I loved going to the library in elementary school and junior high. It’s sad to think that my kids will not experience that (although maybe they’ll be more normal than I was and just not like to read at that age), although I’m sure they’ll be replaced with other experiences that I didn’t have as a child. Who knows.

(Speaking of kids and reading and coolness. Jeff mentioned that he was listening to Kevin & Bean on KROQ the other day, and they were talking about the closing of Borders and how they basically couldn’t care less, because reading is stupid. For those not in the Southern California area…Kevin & Bean are morning DJ’s for an alternative radio station. They’re over forty…catering to high schoolers. Apparently there was only one guy on the show that talked about books in a positive light, and expressed his enjoyment of reading. The forty year old made fun of him for reading…and I couldn’t help but wonder if they just got stuck in the mind set of a high schooler who thinks that reading is lame, or they’re just pretending because that’s the age group that they’re catering to. Either way, I don’t think Jeff has been able to listen to them since, ha.)

Just like the era of movie stores being over…I sadly feel that the era of bookstores, and books for that matter, is quickly coming to an end. And I mourn our loss.

Wrinkles...

I’ll start with a quick digression. I’m currently in a car, on our way to Vegas. And I’m typing on my laptop. Don’t worry, I’m glancing around periodically to make sure I don’t miss any exciting dessert hills. My point: technology is amazing.

My grandma’s birthday is this Sunday, and unfortunately I’m missing the celebration…for Vegas (don’t worry, you’re not the first to tell me my priorities are skewed). To make up for it, however, I decided to go visit my grandma, take her out to lunch and spend a few hours going around doing whatever she wanted to do. It was quite the pleasant visit: I took her to JC Penny, she needed to buy a calling card from Costco, so we hit up Costco, we bought some yarn so she can make a baby blanket for Olivia, we hit up Soupplantation (her choice), and rounded up the evening by walking around Old Town Temecula and oogling at the price of “antiques.” All in all, it was a great day.

With one exception.

Grandma got me freaking out about wrinkles!! I’ve never been one to care too much about my physical appearance, much to my detriment, I’m sure. And although I’m on the cusp of 30, I hadn’t started to freak out about the extra lines on my face. Until my grandma mentioned it. “You really need to take care of your skin! You have too many wrinkles for someone your age.” Um….ok? She immediately made me put on some anti-aging, de-wrinkling lotion that probably has more chemicals in it than the stuff I use to clean our kitchen. Then she let me have that lotion and told me to make sure I put it on generously every day. “It’s expensive, but it’s worth it, you need to start spending money on taking care of yourself.” Don’t get my grandma wrong, she’s amazing and she’s not as materialistic as this one incident probably makes her out to be. It’s more funny than anything else.

However, it brings up a subject Jeff and I have commented on several times before, when we see people on TV who have stretched their faces beyond belief, and look horrid: why can’t people just let themselves age gracefully? I wonder when this infatuation started…I mean, it’s not like people around you don’t know how old you really are. Sure, maybe your face looks like your 45, but your husband knowns you’re 55, and your hands show that you’re 55. And people can tell you’ve had plastic surgery. Or botox, or whatever. Wrinkles are part of the circle of life.

I just don’t get it. But grandma made me wonder: am I being too careless in [not] taking care of myself, in my effort to not care about aging? Should I at least do the minimum and put on magic lotions? Or do we, ahem, society, put too much emphasis on de-wrinkled faces? And why? Why does a stretchy, but still older, face seem more socially acceptable than someone who just lets themselves be?

Food for thought.

Updates and New Beginnings (Again)

(Disclaimer: it's a long one)

So many things to update on that I've actually been putting this off for a few days. Which, within the first line, leads me to digress already: I'm not sure why I feel the need to write; those that are close to me know what's going on, and I don't think I have too many random people following the intricacies of my life that I, for whatever reason, chose to post on the world wide web. Regardless, I feel I have the responsibility to let you all know what's been going on. So here we go.

WORK. I haven't written [too] much about my frustrations with TBM and my job because 1) I'm sure it gets old and most people seem to dislike their job to some degree; 2) it's minor complaining compared to what other people have to deal with in their lives; 3) as someone once said before, "be ye not so stupid" and don't write about your work on the internet unless you have permission to. So yeah, I wasn't so keen on the idea of my boss finding out about my blog while I was still working there and reading all the things I hated about the position (although I'm pretty sure he knew anyway).

This job was meant to be temporary, but it actually started looking like it would turn into something more permanent, and then it didn't. Woah, what does that even mean?! An attorney I used to work for ("TBM") was in need of a legal assistant since the one he had left him high and dry. I needed the money, so I agreed to work in his office part time doing administrative work. He later asked me to start working full time, and told me there was room for me to grow and possibly start a family law practice within his firm. Which sounded great, except that 1) there wasn't really enough time left in the week for me to "start a family law practice" while also keeping on top of all the other things I had to do (you know, important stuff, like correspondence and filing and making court and deposition appearances when him and the other attorney weren't available); and 2) I didn't really want to bust my ass to start a practice for someone else: if I'm going to put in the time and effort to learn a whole new area of law and make it work, I wanna make it work for me, not for someone else.

I could go on forever, but for your sake and mine, I'll just say that the administrative and "personal assistant" duties became a bit much for me to handle, and I realized that any promises made were not going to come to fruition. I was planning on putting in my two weeks notice when TBM let me know last Friday that he was gonna have to let me go due to some financial difficulties. It wasn't a huge shock, and aside from not having a steady check every two weeks (which is HUGE), I was actually relieved.

Here's why.

I've been thinking about what I want to do, or at least what I could enjoy doing, that would help bring some income into our household. I've got some business ideas floating around with Jeff, my friend Brooke, and an old colleague also, but I haven't been able to do anything with these ideas because I've been wasting forty hours a week at a pointless job. Sure, not having a source of steady income is scary as all hell, but I think it's something that needed to happen to make me do something for myself. I'm so used to things working out, and always being able to get things done with minimal effort, that I'm not used to having to work really hard at things. This is my challenge, and I'm nervous/excited to see how I deal with it.

One thing Jeff and I did have to laugh/cry about: I wrote before about how our lives seem to be a roller coaster, but one that never careens out of control: there's always a very delicate balance that keeps us holding on. I mentioned in the "Failure to Launch" blog (which I still have to respond to, thank you everyone for your very thoughtful comments!) how Jeff and I would be moving into his parents house. We were both so excited to be able to save up some money. But with the whole loss of income thing...it seems like we'll be, once again, just getting by. Thankfully we won't have to worry about paying rent, but we also won't have the income we had...which we were hoping to save up. Just so typically us :)

FOOD. Salads. They're kind of my jam right now. I grew up on salads that contained minimal ingredients, and figured that was the norm. I'm discovering that you can throw just about anything into a salad and make it delicious. Like almonds. Or bell peppers. Or feta cheese. Or cilantro! I know, they may seem obvious to you, but for whatever reason, they're new discoveries to me, and I'm excited about it. I think I've been pretty good the last few weeks on not over-indulging on stuff. I did have Mickey D's on Friday (right before I found out I was getting laid off), but that was because I had few alternatives, plus, it came out to about five bucks. Sigh.

This last picture is from dinner with Jeff's parents on Sunday. Holy glorious. Those potatoes? Yep, amazing. Foil paper, slice, salt, butter, put some onion chunks over them, smear some italian dressing over them, put them on the grill, and voila. Not pictured: stuffed chile. I don't know enough to give details, other than it was delicious. And it sent me into a food coma.

EXERCISE: I haven't been the greatest at this, but with being unemployed and Vegas being around the corner, I'm really gonna try to kick it up a notch. Jeff and I are trying to go on little walks before/after dinner, and I actually made it to the gym this morning! It was probably my most lame attempt at working out, but I at least made it there. Baby steps...

THINGS I WANT: Remember that iPhone case I wanted? Here's a reminder just in case. (Ha! iPhone "case"..."just in case"...get it?! wow...Lord help me...) Well....I GOT IT! Turns out Jeff wanted to give me some sort of compensation for helping him get his art show set up at Mesa, and it's absolutely fabulous. It's taking some getting used to, but I really like it. I still haven't dropped my phone, so I can't attest to it's protective powers, but hopefully they're good...because my phone falls quite a bit. Needless to say...I need to set up Jeff's next art show before my next installment of "Things I Want"...this could be great!

Unemployment accountability: I think I might go back to my old accountability reports from my last stint of unemployment. It shamed me into being productive, and I might need that up and running again. I think this post is long enough as is, so I might skip my accountability from the last couple days, but I am proud of everything I did yesterday and today, so I'm off to a much better start.

The Walking Dead: One thing I did do yesterday was go to Barns & Nobel and buy Volume 13 of The Walking Dead. As if I didn't have OCD issues on my own, this comic makes it nearly impossible to put down. I read volumes 11 & 12 on Sunday at Jeff's parent's house, and although we had volume 14...we were missing volume 13. So I went to B&N yesterday...then sat in the parking lot of Trader Joe's reading about a third of it before I forced myself to go buy stuff for dinner and go home before finishing it. Which I did. Then I finished Volume 14. Holy cow. The father-son relationship reminds me so much of Roland and Jake from The Dark Tower, which I love. I actually keep wanting to call Carl, Jake. It'll be interesting to see what they keep for season 2 of the show. And I'm hoping volume 15 comes out soon...

Well, I hope that wasn't entirely boring. One thing I'm excited about with this whole unemployment thing is working on more substantive blog posts...so hopefully that works out to your advantage :)