Adventures in Starting My Own Firm: Mentors & Willingness

There are a few attorneys in the area that have been absolutely incredible and have truly given me confidence to keep doing what I'm doing. One of them has been extremely open in letting me ask her questions whenever I'm stuck on something: she always gives me more information than what I ask for, right away. And she's never made me feel bad or guilty about using her time.

There are two other immigration attorneys who have recently talked to me about doing some contract work for them. They are both great at what they do, and they have sought me out because they have a ton of work, and need someone to help them out. In exchange they are offering me a great mentoring partnership (as well as paying me for the work I'd do for them), they have been incredibly generous with their time, and have offered to show me the ropes of immigration law. One attorney took me to the federal building and introduced me to almost every agent and clerk that he saw--which he knew personally. Everyone liked him, and was incredibly nice when I was introduced. I felt like I was getting star treatment.

Recently someone told me they really admired that I walked to the beat of my own drum. I found this really encouraging, and also eye opening. I'm not claiming that I'm a trailblazer for opening my own firm, by any means, but I know I'm doing things a little differently than most. I like feeling comfortable in my own skin, and sometimes this means wearing jeans to an MCLE event, and I love that I now have the confidence to wear jeans in a room full of suits. I'm always waiting for the 60-year old male veteran attorney to come up to me and tell me that I'm a disgrace to the legal practice for dressing the way I do (mind you, I'm not dressed like a slob, I just hate wearing suits when I'm not going to court). I'm sure someone's said something to someone. But the truth is, I don't think I am a disgrace to the legal profession, and I'm ok with it if people want to talk about it. I'm ok with not getting the approval of the veterans. At least for now...who knows...in a few months this could all crash and burn and I'll realize that my rebellion needs to cease. Ha.

The reason for that whole last paragraph is that I feel truly blessed that attorneys think I'm trustworthy and smart enough to partner with, even though I don't do things the "normal" way. It makes me feel like I'll be okay if I keep doing what I do, and that I won't crash and burn. There seem to be some great people out there that are willing to help me out, regardless of whether I'm rebelling against the suit or not.

Finally, this past week I was referred a case through a new contact. It's in a subject area of family law that I haven't handled before (obviously, there are a ton of areas I haven't handled yet, haha), and my natural instinct was to send an email saying "hey, thanks for thinking of me, but I think you should refer it to someone else." It's not because I can't do it...it's because I lack the confidence to know that I can. But instead of sending that email, I read about the subject, looked at my practice guide, looked up the code, and realized it wasn't a super difficult thing to do. So I said I was willing to talk to her friend, looked over her documents, and told her I'd be happy to take her case. She's talking to another attorney tomorrow before she decides who to go with (I'd have to charge her for driving time since it's not in my area). Whether I get the case or not, I'm really proud of myself for being willing to take it, instead of automatically passing on it.

Updates on The Merry Ministers

I think I've come a long way since Shirley's wedding last Summer. I've performed four wedding ceremonies since her's, and have about 6 or 7 booked so far for this Summer. Not bad for something I didn't even have in mind around this time last year.

The real exciting thing is that it's becoming a little more than I initially planned. My mother-in-law stated that I missed my calling to be an event planner. I think there's some truth in that. I really enjoy planning the shit out of things. Maybe those things are weddings.

I'm thinking that The Merry Ministers can become a one stop shop for a lot of things: officiant, photographer (Jeff), wedding coordinator (Erika is thinking of jumping on board), and list some reputable local vendors for rentals, flowers, and venues.

I love going through wedding blogs and seeing so many great ideas for stuff. I love the thought of sitting down with someone and helping them not only with their ceremony, but their wedding in general.

It's a long way down the road, but who knows?

Related Post:

Wedding Shenanigans and Possible Career Change

Owning It.

I've realized that I'm not quite used to the idea of having my own "business." "Self-employed." "Solo-practitioner." "MY firm." "MY business." Tese are all words and phrases I can't quite pronounce yet without wincing.

Weird, right? Most people would probably thrive on this, and love introducing themselves as an entrepreneur, or their own boss. I still feel really uncomfortable with these titles. Then again, I still feel uncomfortable with the title "attorney," and it's been a little over two years since I acquired that title.

I think part of it is that I never envisioned myself as the self-employed type. I always saw myself working for a nonprofit, an NGO, or a government agency. The idea of working for myself never crossed my mind. I mean...NEVER. Not until about a year ago.

So what I've come to realize, as Jeff has encouraged me to do multiple times, is that I just have to own it. I have to believe in myself. I have to believe in myself as a business owner, as my own boss, as the solo-attorney of my firm. That's what I am: I meet with clients, I send out invoices, I talk to opposing counsel, I draft strongly worded letters, I put files together, I go to court, I pay bills, and maybe most importantly, I have my own letterhead!

On the other hand, I love the idea of being my own boss. I love that I can cater my services to low-income clients, because I don't have to charge a $5,000 retainer, or a $400 an hour rate. I can charge what I want, and cater my services to those I think may need my services the most. I know I wouldn't be able to do this is many places, so I know I'm lucky to have the opportunity to pursue this on my own.

So, 2012 is the year of rising to the occasion, and owning it.

More Updates...

....is this getting boring for you, dear Reader? I've been posting these "updates" more frequently, because...well, honestly, they're way easier to write than the other blogs I've been wanting to write. Those require multiple drafts, and research, and actual thought.

These...I just tell you what I did or didn't do!

I should be able to crank out some more thoughtful blog posts next month, when things aren't so crazy, but until then....let me tell you what I've been up to!

I had an asylum hearing for a pro bono client on Monday; gearing up for it was pretty hectic, and I'll be honest: I'm glad it's over. Un/fortunately, the judge didn't render her decision after the hearing, so I'm not sure whether we were successful or not (decision will either be mailed, or given at a hearing in April). I definitely learned a lot from this case, and although I'm sure I'll take another case from KIND sometime in the future, I'm happy to not have that looming over my head anymore. It's also pretty emotional stuff....I think I've really been compartmentalizing this case a lot so it doesn't affect me, because I hate to think what's going to happen to my client if he isn't granted asylum and has to return to his country of origin. He's such a great kid, it just makes me really sad.

Anyhow. Compartmentalizing.

I went to bikram yoga yesterday AND today. I wanted to see if I could handle back to back sessions. My back was a little sore from yesterday's work out, and although today's session didn't necessarily help that, I'm feeling a lot better now. I haven't been eating enough before going, in fear that I'll eat too much and get sick, but I think what has been happening is that I don't eat enough, so I end up getting dizzy about 15 minutes into an 80 minute workout. Today was the first time that I didn't have to sit out any major portions of the routine, which I'm really excited about.

This week has been the week of meetings and basically not being home for dinner. Monday was tutoring (we worked on a science project, which was AWESOME!), Tuesday night I had a meeting for the Annual Meeting and Fundraiser for Corazon that I've helped put together (it's on Saturday, let me know if you're interested in attending), tonight was my first meeting as a director for the OC Hispanic Bar Association (I got to say things like "yay" and "nay" in a non-sarcastic, totally-serious manner), tomorrow I'm meeting a potential client for The Merry Ministers at 7:30 p.m., and Friday I'm heading to the Oceanside area to help out with a church retreat for confirmation students, oh and Saturday is the Corazon event.

Let's just say, I'm really excited for Sunday :)

Today I met with a client, went to Goodwill and Salvation Army to look for a filing cabinet (I've outgrown my little file drawer on my desk!), and got to enjoy lunch with Jeff...we sat out in the backyard and were able to enjoy some of today's amazing weather. I absolutely LOVE being able to see Jeff in the middle of my day.

I also deposited money into my business account, as well as my client trust account. That felt pretty cool. Due to the former deposit, I was also able to write out a check for my State Bar annual dues (um, no biggie, just FOUR HUNDRED AND FIFTY DOLLARS). Last year I had to ask my family to help me cover the expense because I couldn't come up with the money. It's nice to see that I'm moving in the right direction, and being able to pay this money from my business account rather than our personal account was HUGE.

Jeff and I resorted to our mantra on Saturday, and reminded ourselves that we had to keep putting ourselves in uncomfortable situations to experience new things. We were both pretty wiped out--I had attended a 6-hour MCLE, and Jeff had helped his dad with some kitchen remodeling duties--and we were really tempted to cancel both of our social commitments for the night. But we stuck with them, and were really excited we did. Jeff got to meet the people I've been meeting with throughout the last year in organizing stuff for Corazon, and then we had a genuinely good time at a karaoke lounge in Irvine. The latter event was definitely out of our comfort zone, and given that we weren't getting there until after 10 p.m., it was way past our bedtime. BUT, we sang out little hearts out, and had a great time. So, keep in mind: the mantra works!

We haven't done so good on the eating healthy part lately...

Jeff has been incredibly productive over the last few days. He's been working really hard on editing all the pictures he's taken in the last couple months, including pictures from our trip to Big Bear. He has so much talent it's insane. Here are some of my favorite (mostly) scenic pictures:

In closing, I want to encourage all of you to start getting into the Valentine's Day spirit, and buy some hand made valentines cards made by yours truly. I have to say, they're pretty darn cute! And all of it goes to help Haiti Scholarships. So, get back into the spirit of being in second grade, and send your mom and best friends some Valentine love :)

Jeff took these pictures also :) If you're interested in purchasing them, you can get more info here.

If you made it this far into my random cathartic writing, thank you for reading, and good night!

Resolution Updates

In the famous words of a local All Hands Volunteer, "today was a good day."

I was productive on my legal cases--called opposing counsel to follow up on some outstanding discovery, followed up with three different clients, fixed an order that was kicked back from the court, sent out an updated bill to a client, sent a letter of representation and answer to opposing counsel on another case, and made an appointment with my asylum client so I can start prepping him for his hearing.

I crunched numbers for Haiti Scholarships and our applicants, updated donor and student databases, transferred Paypal money to our bank account, and sent a couple follow up emails.

Sent out a couple more letters requesting silent auction donations for Corazon's Annual Meeting and Silent Auction fundraiser (join us!), followed up with some that I had already sent out, reviewed our silent auction google doc and agenda, and attended our planning committee meeting.

Sent out emails to the O'Neill park ranger and the Adopt-a-Park coordinator for our International Service Day event, followed up with two individuals who are helping us promote the event, contacted Ally and begged her to help us create a poster for the event (she said yes!!), typed up the minutes for yesterday's planning committee meeting and sent it out to the planning committee members.

Had lunch and caught up with Jen, which was fabulous.

Made a delicious and healthy salad for Jeff and I for lunch. I was on the verge of just going to buy something so I wouldn't have to spend time chopping everything, but I sucked it up and spent the 7 minutes or so that it took me to chop up all the goodies (cucumber, carrot, lettuce, bell pepper, and tossed some tomatoes and feta cheese).

AND, for the third time in less than a week, Jeff and I went on a little walk before dinner. We've walked about a mile each time, which isn't insane, but it's way better than not doing anything...right? We realized that there are some stairs at the park down the street, and we are going to start doing some stair duty...just going up and down the stairs. Our goal is to be able to run a 5k in April (interested?). We've both also been making a point of having healthier snacks. So, instead of my usual cookies and milk for my evening snack (um, yeah, I'm still 5 years old), I have a banana. I was on the verge of breaking today (I told Jeff I've been really good lately, so I deserved a cookie...he wasn't buying it), but Jeff pealed me an orange instead. I also bought grapes, strawberries and cherries. The strawberries looked beautiful, but tasted like...nothing. I should've known: they looked too perfect to have any real flavor. Oh well.

Oh, and completely unrelated to my resolutions, but entirely awesome, I got a shout-out on Kisa's blog!

Anyhow, if I can keep this momentum going, 2012 should be....one hectic and awesome year.

2012: I'm mentally exhausted from planning you out already.

One great thing about this blog is that I can look back at what I've written in the past: reading about resolutions I've made before, my little faith in them, and how I haven't followed through with them.

Regardless (irregardless, for some), it's still nice to set some goals for myself...I mean, even if I accomplish part of them, there's some success in that.

On our way home yesterday from celebrating the incoming New Year with my family, Jeff asked me what my resolutions where--and I'm just realizing now I never asked him what his were, #wifefail--and I had a difficult time putting what I feel my resolutions are, into words. I kind of want to work on everything this year, the whole mind, body, spirit thing.

I want to go back to my April-2011 resolution and focus on eating better, and being more active. We were good for a little bit, but we've really let it slide. It's so easy to let other things take priority in your life. I did get an online deal for yoga, so that should help me for the first month or so on the "active" part. As for eating, Jeff and I cook a lot less now that we live with his parents, so there's only so much control we have over that--but there's always room for improvement.

I also need to figure out where Jeff and I are going, career-wise and financially. Some pieces of the puzzle are starting to fall into place (like finally getting health insurance later this month!), and I really feel that this is the year we'll get things together. It's funny reading my post from January 2010, where I had the same concerns--and a little disheartening that I'm still trying to figure out the same things...2 years later. But I really do feel that I can accomplish a lot with my career this year.

One phrase that Jeff and I started saying like a mantra in early 2011 was that we had to "put ourselves in uncomfortable situations to experience new things." I feel I've done this a lot with my career, although altered a little bit: "putting myself in uncomfortable situations to get experience." Haha, it's been working though. I have said "yes" to things I would have been too afraid to say yes to before, and I think the outcome has been surprisingly reassuring. I've made appearances for immigration court in Los Angeles, I've taken on my own clients in an area of law that, at the time, I was largely unfamiliar with, I've learned how to retain clients, I started officiating weddings and make some money off of something I never thought of doing. Jeff has also done the same: he put his art in several venues this past year, and he started making money off of his photography skills, something that I know he was really uncomfortable with, but that he's truly great at. I know it took a lot of courage for him to do that, and I appreciate the hell out of him for putting himself out there.

All of these little steps have made us a little more comfortable, and just slightly more secure in our ability to pursue self-employment. Which leads us to.....

EUROPE!!

We've been wanting to go for a while. Jeff's brother and his brother's family recently moved back to Germany, so it's a great time to go, visit, and travel. Jeff and I also want to start thinking about expanding our own little family, but we think it's important to experience something like traveling through Europe before we do that. Neither one of us has ever been there, and it's been a while since we traveled together. Have I mentioned that we travel great together? I'm starting to get extremely excited about this, mainly because I think that for the first time since we've been together, it's actually financially feasible for us to do it. It'll take some intense savings for the next five months, but I think we can manage.

So, 2012, by the time you are gone, I'm hoping to:

• Formalize and develop my firm
• Develop Haiti Scholarships (this includes major fundraising efforts, and increasing our relationship with our students)
• Work with Jeff to develop and market his art and photography
• Keep working on promoting The Merry Ministers
• Check everything off my "Epic To Do List"
• Go to Europe
• Get preggers!!

So yeah...2012 should be easy peasy!

Life Plan

Something I've come to realize in this last year or so as I've just kind of been fumbling through life (career-wise, not personal--that side of my life is always awesome), is that I miss, maybe even need, a structured plan.

Elementary school is elementary school...you're worried about what your mom packed you for lunch, or whether the nuns are going to confiscate your scrunchie because it doesn't conform to the school colors of brown, green, black or white (oh wait, was that just me?).

Junior high you start thinking about what's gonna happen after...and you know you've got four years of high school before you really have to worry about anything else.

High school you start thinking ahead to college, but you have counselors and parents around you telling you what you need to do to get there. Take the SAT. Study and get good grades. You know how many credits you need to graduate, and what classes you need to take to graduate. You fill out college applications, send them out.

College is a more serious version of high school: you have to pick a major, but once you do that, it's all laid out before you: you need x units of general ed, x units towards your major, throw in a foreign language, make sure you get passing grades on all of them, and you're set.

I know, it's a simplistic view of our whole educational life, but bear with me.

I sometimes feel that one of the few reasons I went to law school was because I still needed this plan. I didn't really know what to do next...so I decided to get back into a system that planned things out for me. It planned my next three years. Granted, it got me into a huge financial debt, but I've talked about my woes regarding that already.

But after law school...I feel like I'm completely lost. There's no one telling me what credits I need to complete to move on to the next stage or chapter of my life. And it freaks me the fuck out (sorry mom).

Brookie and I talked about it this week, and it was refreshing to know that I'm not the only one that feels like this. Maybe that's why I finally sat down to share this on my blog, even though I've been meaning to write it for months.

Most people don't need this sort of "planning," and instead thrive on just taking care of things as they come along. I really wish I was more like that (another blog I've been meaning to write is how much I hate my type-A personality sometimes). But alas, I need a plan.

A light bulb went on this morning. I looked for an email my friend Sheena sent me eons ago, with an attachment entitled: "Visioning and Personal Action Plans." TA-DA! She's pretty much been telling me I should do this for over a year, and I kept putting it off. I think it's time.

So. Brookie and I have date: life planning.

Vote for a Logo!

So, one of the things that's been keeping me too busy to blog about all the things I want to blog about, is trying to market some new business opportunities for Jeff and myself. One of these, which I'm not sure if I've mentioned before (although I'm pretty sure I have), is The Merry Ministers. I've got a basic website set up, but I wanted a pretty cool logo, and my Rama is absolutely amazing that she sent me so many options that I can't chose. So I need your help. Which one do you like the most:

Exhibit A:

Exhibit B:

Exhibit C:

Exhibit D:

Submit your vote in the comments section :)

Please and thank you!

Getting it Right

These past two weeks have been pretty great. I've received some comments lately that have reinforced where I'm going with my life, and make me feel like I'm doing something right. Maybe not everything, but something.

Abby contacted me about looking for volunteer work for her daughter. I know, this isn't huge, and I'm sure she could have just looked something up online, but...she asked me. I was her go-to person, and I thought that was pretty fabulous.

A couple days after that, I got a message from someone I went to undergrad with. He's now doing some pretty great things, including working towards a Ph.D. He's part of an organization at his school that does some community service projects, and he messaged me asking about some of the organizations I have worked with. We still have to chat a little about what he needs/is looking for, but again...he thought about and contact me when needed to talk to someone about this.

Then, my friend Annie posted this on my wall (not the actual wall of my room...but you know...the cyber kind of wall):

"I was just thinking...Steve Jobs started Apple out in his garage and now, its this incredible company changing the lives of so many people in the world (not to mention, he was the CEO of Pixar, movies I love). If he can do it, I know you can too. Go make your dreams a reality, Alex! I am here every step of the way to support you! Love you!"

Seriously? Amazing.

Finally, yesterday after tutoring I stopped by my mom's house for a little visit. Her work has these jobs once a year where nonprofits and charitable organizations come out, and try to get you to donate a couple bucks from each of your paychecks to them. My mom picked up a book for me, as well as some other material from a nonprofit called "Zambia's Scholarship Fund." Inside the book was the business card for the President of the organization, and a handwritten dedication:

"Alexandra, thanks for your good works."

All of this has been almost surreal, to be quite honest. I feel really happy that when people want to participate in volunteer work or charity work, I'm the person that pops into their head. I guess part of it is because sometimes I feel guilty or silly about all the stuff I post on here and facebook about this kind of stuff...I feel like it may not really matter, or that no one really cares. Getting these messages from people, however, makes me feel like I'm doing the right thing.

I feel like I should add a disclaimer here. I'm not sharing these vignettes because I think they're right, or because I think I deserve it, but because it is really encouraging, and gives me hope that I'm on the right path. Sometimes I feel like I've let people down by not pursuing a traditional legal career, or any traditional career. Hearing these comments and getting these emails/messages from people helped me realize that I'll be okay no matter what. Regardless of what nonconventional path I follow, I have people who are interested in what I do, people who will support me and my endeavors, and people who appreciate the kind of work I hope to keep doing.

Thank you :)

Updates and New Beginnings (Again)

(Disclaimer: it's a long one)

So many things to update on that I've actually been putting this off for a few days. Which, within the first line, leads me to digress already: I'm not sure why I feel the need to write; those that are close to me know what's going on, and I don't think I have too many random people following the intricacies of my life that I, for whatever reason, chose to post on the world wide web. Regardless, I feel I have the responsibility to let you all know what's been going on. So here we go.

WORK. I haven't written [too] much about my frustrations with TBM and my job because 1) I'm sure it gets old and most people seem to dislike their job to some degree; 2) it's minor complaining compared to what other people have to deal with in their lives; 3) as someone once said before, "be ye not so stupid" and don't write about your work on the internet unless you have permission to. So yeah, I wasn't so keen on the idea of my boss finding out about my blog while I was still working there and reading all the things I hated about the position (although I'm pretty sure he knew anyway).

This job was meant to be temporary, but it actually started looking like it would turn into something more permanent, and then it didn't. Woah, what does that even mean?! An attorney I used to work for ("TBM") was in need of a legal assistant since the one he had left him high and dry. I needed the money, so I agreed to work in his office part time doing administrative work. He later asked me to start working full time, and told me there was room for me to grow and possibly start a family law practice within his firm. Which sounded great, except that 1) there wasn't really enough time left in the week for me to "start a family law practice" while also keeping on top of all the other things I had to do (you know, important stuff, like correspondence and filing and making court and deposition appearances when him and the other attorney weren't available); and 2) I didn't really want to bust my ass to start a practice for someone else: if I'm going to put in the time and effort to learn a whole new area of law and make it work, I wanna make it work for me, not for someone else.

I could go on forever, but for your sake and mine, I'll just say that the administrative and "personal assistant" duties became a bit much for me to handle, and I realized that any promises made were not going to come to fruition. I was planning on putting in my two weeks notice when TBM let me know last Friday that he was gonna have to let me go due to some financial difficulties. It wasn't a huge shock, and aside from not having a steady check every two weeks (which is HUGE), I was actually relieved.

Here's why.

I've been thinking about what I want to do, or at least what I could enjoy doing, that would help bring some income into our household. I've got some business ideas floating around with Jeff, my friend Brooke, and an old colleague also, but I haven't been able to do anything with these ideas because I've been wasting forty hours a week at a pointless job. Sure, not having a source of steady income is scary as all hell, but I think it's something that needed to happen to make me do something for myself. I'm so used to things working out, and always being able to get things done with minimal effort, that I'm not used to having to work really hard at things. This is my challenge, and I'm nervous/excited to see how I deal with it.

One thing Jeff and I did have to laugh/cry about: I wrote before about how our lives seem to be a roller coaster, but one that never careens out of control: there's always a very delicate balance that keeps us holding on. I mentioned in the "Failure to Launch" blog (which I still have to respond to, thank you everyone for your very thoughtful comments!) how Jeff and I would be moving into his parents house. We were both so excited to be able to save up some money. But with the whole loss of income thing...it seems like we'll be, once again, just getting by. Thankfully we won't have to worry about paying rent, but we also won't have the income we had...which we were hoping to save up. Just so typically us :)

FOOD. Salads. They're kind of my jam right now. I grew up on salads that contained minimal ingredients, and figured that was the norm. I'm discovering that you can throw just about anything into a salad and make it delicious. Like almonds. Or bell peppers. Or feta cheese. Or cilantro! I know, they may seem obvious to you, but for whatever reason, they're new discoveries to me, and I'm excited about it. I think I've been pretty good the last few weeks on not over-indulging on stuff. I did have Mickey D's on Friday (right before I found out I was getting laid off), but that was because I had few alternatives, plus, it came out to about five bucks. Sigh.

This last picture is from dinner with Jeff's parents on Sunday. Holy glorious. Those potatoes? Yep, amazing. Foil paper, slice, salt, butter, put some onion chunks over them, smear some italian dressing over them, put them on the grill, and voila. Not pictured: stuffed chile. I don't know enough to give details, other than it was delicious. And it sent me into a food coma.

EXERCISE: I haven't been the greatest at this, but with being unemployed and Vegas being around the corner, I'm really gonna try to kick it up a notch. Jeff and I are trying to go on little walks before/after dinner, and I actually made it to the gym this morning! It was probably my most lame attempt at working out, but I at least made it there. Baby steps...

THINGS I WANT: Remember that iPhone case I wanted? Here's a reminder just in case. (Ha! iPhone "case"..."just in case"...get it?! wow...Lord help me...) Well....I GOT IT! Turns out Jeff wanted to give me some sort of compensation for helping him get his art show set up at Mesa, and it's absolutely fabulous. It's taking some getting used to, but I really like it. I still haven't dropped my phone, so I can't attest to it's protective powers, but hopefully they're good...because my phone falls quite a bit. Needless to say...I need to set up Jeff's next art show before my next installment of "Things I Want"...this could be great!

Unemployment accountability: I think I might go back to my old accountability reports from my last stint of unemployment. It shamed me into being productive, and I might need that up and running again. I think this post is long enough as is, so I might skip my accountability from the last couple days, but I am proud of everything I did yesterday and today, so I'm off to a much better start.

The Walking Dead: One thing I did do yesterday was go to Barns & Nobel and buy Volume 13 of The Walking Dead. As if I didn't have OCD issues on my own, this comic makes it nearly impossible to put down. I read volumes 11 & 12 on Sunday at Jeff's parent's house, and although we had volume 14...we were missing volume 13. So I went to B&N yesterday...then sat in the parking lot of Trader Joe's reading about a third of it before I forced myself to go buy stuff for dinner and go home before finishing it. Which I did. Then I finished Volume 14. Holy cow. The father-son relationship reminds me so much of Roland and Jake from The Dark Tower, which I love. I actually keep wanting to call Carl, Jake. It'll be interesting to see what they keep for season 2 of the show. And I'm hoping volume 15 comes out soon...

Well, I hope that wasn't entirely boring. One thing I'm excited about with this whole unemployment thing is working on more substantive blog posts...so hopefully that works out to your advantage :)

Has our generation "failed to launch"?

Last week I went to a deposition for one of our cases, and I got to talking to Mr. Doctor (his specialty is in bio mechanics, really interesting stuff about friction coefficients and what not--seriously) during breaks and for a bit after the depo (legal lingo, short for deposition...so fancy, huh?). He ended up talking about his frustration with the failure of each of his kids to be able to live on their own. They're each between 22-27 years old, and yet they're all living off of the old man still. Mind you, they're not losers or bad children: his daughter is an attorney, another son works in the environmental non profit sector, and the youngest is an aspiring actor (Mr. Doctor said this last one is going to have a "coming to God talk with his father very soon" about the realities of pursuing an acting career while living off of his father).

The daughter was laid off from her last job, and has been unable to find a similar job in the legal industry. The middle son is working, but doesn't make enough to pay rent, so Mr. Doctor pays for that. I guess to an extent he's enabling them, but on the other hand, he's not the only person in his generation going through this. Jeff and I might actually be moving in with Jeff's parents for a bit to save up some money. Is it wrong for them to let us move in instead of making Jeff and I figure it out on our own? Who knows.

Mr. Doctor made a comment which I found interesting, and I'll paraphrase: "I thought having kids was going to be like my generation was: you go to school, get a job, and start supporting yourself. I thought I was going to be done after college, maybe graduate school, but I'm still having to support all three of them." This is something that's come up quite a bit lately, and I find it pretty intriguing. What is crazy about this whole situation is that Jeff's parents and Mr. Doctor are among plenty of parents going through the same thing, I'm sure.

I think I wrote before how my family seems to be disappointed in the fact that my cousins and I haven't reached any sort of stability in our lives. They think back to when they were our age, and although they all had their difficulties in getting where they are, they had kids, a steady and secure job with potential to move up, and eventually a house.

The New York times published an article, a lengthy one that I'll confess I wasn't able to read in it's entirety, talking about why 20-somethings are taking so long to grow up. They've termed it "emerging adulthood." Our "transition to adulthood" is traditionally marked by five milestones:

1. Completing school
2. Leaving home
3. Becoming financially independent
4. Marrying
5. Having a child

Our generation is reaching these milestones at a later point in life than past generations. According to the article, some of the reasons for our delay in reaching these milestones include:

• "Need for more education to survive in an information-based economy;
• Fewer entry-level jobs even after all that schooling;
• Young people feeling less rush to marry because of general acceptance of premarital sex, cohabitation and birth control;
• and young women feeling less rush to have babies given their wide range of career options and their access to assisted reproductive technology if they delay pregnancy beyond their most fertile years."

I find that all very interesting, and I have few points of my own that I've been wanting to make about all of this:

We're not fuck ups. Sorry for the f-bomb, but I'm not sure what other expression to use, haha. I get the feeling that older generations (or maybe just the media, hmm....) think we're doing something hugely wrong with our lives, that we haven't played our cards right. But, we've kinda played the cards we were dealt. We were raised on the understanding that if you go to school and put your time in, things will work out for you. Given how many people get college degrees these days, that simple plan of just "going to school and working hard" can't work out for everyone.

As spoken by Tyler Durden in Fight Club:

"Man, I see in fight club the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war...our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off."

Which leads me to...

The education bubble has to burst. Remember that whole housing bubble and how it finally exploded? I think something similar has to happen with higher level education. Hear me out. So. Housing. Prices got crazy high. People were able to buy them based on loans they couldn't afford to pay back. People didn't pay. Housing market crashed. People got stuck with over priced homes, and many of them lost them. But the pricing of real estate finally came down to something that was at least remotely affordable for the average American.

There are so many people going to college now, it's basically like another high school degree. Tuition for colleges and universities has been on a steady incline for how long? I'm not gonna look this up, but I'm pretty sure that every semester I hear something on the news about tuition going up 10, 20, 30%. NPR had a brief segment in which, if I remember correctly, it stated that the UC system was the most expensive public education in the world. How is that a public education? Not to mention private schools, such as my law school. Which is overpriced, and I couldn't afford, but someone gave me a loan, which I'm not quite able to pay back. I haven't made a decent payment on my loan since I graduated, but the interest is still accumulating. And I know I'm not the only one that didn't think this through. So what's going to happen when thousands of graduates start defaulting? I think something has to give for the cost of education to normalize. The big difference between a house and an education: they can't take back my degrees! Suckas.

That's more of a rant, but the point for this particular conversation is that almost everyone goes to college now. A college degree does not set you apart from the next person applying for the job you want. Maybe a master's degree. Maybe a Ph.D. Maybe the fact that your uncle John knowns the hiring partner. Education alone does not set you apart anymore. "I'm a dime a dozen, and so are you!" Yep, I just quoted that book you should've read in high school: Death of a Salesman. Maybe the cost of education will continue to increase to such staggering rates that not everyone will be able to go to college or a university, and the rest will follow through, you know, yadda yadda yadda supply and demand, less over-qualified applicants per available job positions. (Which begs the question, is it fair that only the wealthiest will be able to afford an education for better jobs?)

Job stability isn't what it used to be. I see my mom who's been at her job for over 10 years, and Jeff's dad, who just celebrated his 10 year anniversary with his company, and I wonder if/when I'll find a job that I see myself staying with for that long. Careers these days seem full of moves, transitions, lateral hires, moving up to the next thing. I'm not sure if that's because we can't be happy staying at a job that long, or because the possibility just isn't available as much anymore. Given the competition for a job position these days, it seems we're all a little more expendable. A company could probably find someone younger willing to work for free to get experience, for the same job that I want to get paid for, ha!

Priorities have changed. Getting back to the reasons for our delay given above, I'd have to agree with most of them. Instead of one head of household, you usually have two now. That's two people that have probably gone to school and are trying to figure out their career before settling down. Which also means school loans that need to get paid, and maybe that factors in to the delay in having kids and buying a house. I think this generation has also changed the order of priorities quite a bit. Maybe it's selfishness, I dunno, but it seems that our generation has put a lot of value in living their life before settling down, whether that's through travel or other life experiences. I don't think we feel the same pressure to settle down and have kids that our parents or grandparents had. Whether that's for better or worse, you can each decide :)

So. Have we failed to launch? Or are we just living life at a different pace than those before us? Or is this part of some Darwinian evolution?

Hmmmmm...

P.S. Pretty timely to come across this online today.

P.P.S. Another timely article I saw today regarding the business of law schools.

While I'm at it...Career Updates

First off, I'm thankful to have a job. But I also don't want to be complacent in a position I'm neither happy with, nor do I believe it will benefit me hugely in the long run. So, I'm in a pickle. I'm pretty much working as a secretary/firm administrator/appearance attorney at the firm I'm working at. The Boss Man ("TBM") keeps saying that in August he's going to start advertising for family law, and he wants me to develop that practice for the firm. Which sounds great in theory. I think I would enjoy family law. I'd get to put my mediation and negotiation competition skills to the test, and I'd have more client interaction. My main concern doing family law at this firm is that it caters to people who can pay...and that's not quite the clientele I want to serve. Haha, I sound ridiculous. But seriously, if I'm going to practice law, I want to do it for the benefit of those who need it and can't afford it. But I also need to pay my bills...

Anyhow, before I get carried away with hypotheticals and theorizing about what my dreams are (which I think I'm starting to figure out, finally)...I don't think this whole family law thing is going to become a reality in the near future. Thing is, TBM hired me because he needed a receptionist, and I knew this when I started. I took the job because I needed the money, with all parties knowing this was temporary for both sides. But now I'm waiting around for something more serious to develop, and I just don't think it will. TBM will always need a receptionist/legal administrator, and as long as I'm there, why would he hire someone else to do it? On the other hand, how am I supposed to "develop" a legal practice while answering phones, dealing with correspondence, and a billion other things that come up on any given day? I just don't see it happening.

And if that's the case, I don't want to waste my time or his. I need to figure out what's best for Jeff and I, and helping TBM out while he figures stuff out isn't quite it. I've done a few contract jobs, and could try to pick up some more jobs like that. Maybe work on my own thing. Of course, with that comes financial risk, which Jeff and I aren't necessarily prepared to deal with either.

Life is a cluster fuck sometimes (sorry mom[s]).

Cathartic Writing

28. Wow.

I'm not sure how I got here, but here I am. 28 years old.

Do you remember when you were younger, and you would plan out where you would be in five, ten, fifteen years? Eh, maybe that was just me. Anyhow, I calculated how old I would be when I graduated high school and college...and once I was in college I realized I needed to add some time for a graduate program...so marriage would come after that, then the career, the house and babies!

Ha, yeah....I know...ridiculous. You can't plan your life...some things just need to happen. Regardless, I feel that for the most part, my life is where I originally planned, and where I need to be: I graduated school, graduated law school, and met an absolutely amazing man that is beyond perfect for me.

The areas that haven't quite worked out are mostly financial and career. Some of you may remember that I started this blog because I was unemployed...and it's been a bit of a roller coaster since I graduated law school a couple years ago. And financially....well, I've never been financially stable I guess. I've never been able to go crazy around Christmas time and buy stuff for the whole family, or go on expensive weekend get-aways...or finance my own car. I feel like at 28 I should have improved from when I was 18. But I haven't. I wish I could say with confidence that in a few years I'll be where I want to be, financially, but with my career aspirations of working in a field that [normally] doesn't pay over $50,000, and school loans nearing the $200's, I just can't.

As the first person in my extended family to graduate from undergrad and law school, I think my family's expectations of what I would do with my life were high. I know they're looking out for me when they want me to land some lucrative job, but I think they've finally realized that's not what I want for myself, and seeing that reaction is difficult.

My aunts and my grandmother were having a conversation a few weeks ago about how life for my cousins and I has been so much easier than theirs, and they don't understand how we don't have our life together at this point. I've been a bit of an emotional wreck about this on my own, so being me, I clammed up and just tried to hide how much their commentaries bothered me. I know the challenges my cousins and I face can't be compared to what my grandmother and my aunts had to do to get ahead in life, but I don't feel like I'm where I am because I took the "get out of jail free" card either. I wish I had it in me to be more hungry for money, to want money bad enough that I didn't care what I did with my career, as long as I was bringing in the cash. I wish I was a fighter. I wish so many things, but I'm not. So I'm trying to work with the cards that I've been dealt, and as far as I can tell, I'm doing the best I can. I'm not sure what else I'm supposed to do.

The other day my mom mentioned that Jeff and I should be saving money, and I almost lost it. Jeff and I aren't not saving because we don't want to...we've actually tried...but eating or paying bills seems to take precedence every time. Everyone has an opinion about what I should do with my life and in what direction I should take my career, but honestly, none of them sound appealing. I wish they did. I don't know how to reach the financial stability I want. And I don't know how to do what I want, and not feel like I'm compromising my financial stability.

~~~~~~

I hope you reading this was as cathartic an experience as me writing it :)

Losing the Shimmer

I met up with a solo-practitioner last week to discuss how she started her own firm (let's call her Lucy), but was able to keep it public-interest minded. Basically, if I can't find a job working for a non-profit, I gotta find a way to make this whole attorney-thing work for me; a possibility is to start my own practice, but be able to keep it focused on low-income clients, while still making a living for myself (sounds almost like an extended oxymoron, huh?).

It was an extremely productive lunch meeting (I tried some sort of Thai coconut soup for the first time...something I would have never ordered myself, but actually enjoyed), but it also brought me back to a concept I brought up when I first started this blog: at what point do we stop pursuing our goals to pursue something more realistic?

Lucy worked for a big non profit law firm in Los Angeles about a year after law school, and I could see the shimmer in her eye when she talked about those days: everyone she worked with was empowered to change the world, and believed they could do it. There was a contagious excitement about the work they were doing, about helping people, about making it happen. Lucky worked with this non profit for about twenty years, until congressional regulations started restricting the kind of work they could do: no more personal injuries, no more class actions (these take away large sums of money from attorneys that actually want to get paid), no more funding if you're helping illegal immigrants, etc. Lucy grew so frustrated because she felt she was no longer doing what she went to law school do to, so she decided to go out on her own.

Years later, sitting in a hole-in-the-wall Thai restaurant in Brea, she talks about how she just had to make the decision, and now she has to be a business person rather than a public-interest attorney: she's gotta make money to pay for her elderly mothers 24-hour caregiver. I can tell from the shift in her tone, and the lack of shimmer in here eye, that she's not overly excited about this: she has to network with attorneys (ick! ;] ), put her name out there to find new clients, and charge clients for her service. I know charging seems normal to most of you, but for a public interest attorney who is used to working in a firm that provides free services, it feels almost immoral to charge people. But it's what she has to do now. She also wonders: how much impact was I really having, helping one person at a time? I certainly was no closer to saving the world when I first started, then twenty years later. I could tell this was something she had pondered before...her look became a little more distant, and I could see she was thinking of all the cases she had worked on in those twenty years and asking herself: did they really change anything?

I'm only two weeks into my unemployment (today is actually my two week anniversary!), but I'm already thinking about my alternatives if I can't find a job soon with a non profit or public interest firm. I might have to go out on my own. I'm gonna have to charge my clients. I'm gonna have to find a way to compromise what my heart desires, and what our family needs. How can I do this without loosing my shimmer? It may sound pathetic, but I'm scared of losing my idealistic aspirations, I'm scared of realizing I can't save the world.

Prepare for landing

Yesterday was two weeks since I returned from my trip. I think I've mentioned before that my body did not react so well to being back to full and comfortable amenities. I started getting the chills as soon as we entered the air conditioned airport in Haiti, and those later developed into a sort of fever on my connecting flight from JFK to LAX. I spent most of Sunday in bed, drifting in and out of sleep. If it hadn't been mother's day and the need to see my mother on such an important day, I probably would have stayed in bed all day. I also took Monday to finish recuperating, which was a good thing. A little more sleep, and unbridled access to kleenex was what I needed. I think I still have a few friends in my tummy from Haiti, and I guess I should get that checked out soon. But the idea of going to a clinic and paying for medication (without insurance) doesn't give me much motivation to go.

The other thing I'm struggling with since coming back is mostly concerned with my career: what I want to do and where I'm going. I honestly think I knew what I wanted to do since I was 10, living in Guatemala. I always wanted to work in a capacity where I could help countries like Guatemala improve their situation, but I never really believed in my ability to do so. Going to Haiti made me realize that performing that kind of work, where you're directly helping people recover from something traumatic and effecting change (even if on a small level) is exactly the kind of work that makes me happy.

I remember my first night at the HODR camp, our very first meeting. There was a fellow named Ben who was giving his good bye speech. He seemed to be quite a force to be reckoned with. You could tell right away this was an individual who had made a lot of friends, someone who had touched a lot of lives, and someone who had been deeply moved by what he saw in Haiti. I will never forget the words he said that night (aside from his key phrase about being f---g epic, which I believe will live on in the HODR basecamp for the entirety of the program): he spoke about going home, and making his time and his experience in Haiti his "reality," not his escape from reality. I'm not gonna lie, I thought it was a little cheesy at first: I'm sure everyone has that thought, and I'm sure most people go back home, re-join their old "reality," and move back into the routine of their normal lives. But after spending my 10 days in Haiti, I totally understood that desire to never forget, to never let yourself slip back into the mundane routine of living as part of the machine of society back home, forgetting that there are people who are living on far less, and in terrible conditions.

After I graduated college, I took a year off to figure out what I wanted to do. I knew at the time that a Master's degree would probably be more beneficial, but the idea of writing a thesis paper freaked me out, so I though going to law school would be the "easier" academic route. Ha. I failed to consider the prospect of writing over forty pages in research papers, not to count all the practice essays written for bar prep. Live and learn, huh? This isn't to say I regret going to law school, I'm sure the degree will come in handy, and I met some amazing people that I know will be a part of my life for years to come.

So as Jeff nicely put it, he was still waiting for my plane to land about a week after I landed. My mind has just been constantly thinking about how I want to make Haiti my "reality." I know the general direction I want to go in, so I've been looking into jobs with NGO's that work in the area of international development, but it seems that in order to get a job there I should have been putting in my time interning and working for free about 8 years ago.

So after two weeks, I think my mind is mostly back. I'm still trying to figure out how to get to where I want to go, and where exactly I want to go. I just know that change has to come from this experience. It might not be in the immediate future, but it's coming! I honestly believe that everything happens for a reason, and I think this trip was to remind me of what I really want to do, and to give me hope that there's a way I can achieve that. Where there's a will, there's a way.....right?

Update on My Job Search Adventures

So I got a call back from the bankruptcy/immigration firm on Wednesday, and went in for a second interview on Friday, where they actually offered me a position. I took it. I start tomorrow (Tuesday) and I'm really looking forward to seeing how this turns out. It's not necessarily where I saw myself working, but it could be a good opportunity and it gives Jeff and I an income, which we desperately need right now.

On the lighter side of things, guess what they kept asking me? Did I REALLY speak Spanish fluently? No one really believed me, and I was basically begging them to just ask me something in Spanish so we could get the credibility issue out of the way. I got a tour of the office after the second interview (which was just an overview of logistics for the position, and an inquiry into whether I really spoke Spanish...) and they introduced me to everyone that works in the office. They're pretty much all Hispanic, and they all had the same Arrested-Development-ish question in their eyes: "Her?" I knew what they were thinking: there's no way this girl speaks Spanish fluently. I can't wait for tomorrow!

Update on My Job Search Adventures

I actually got another call from the legal firm that had contacted me for a job interview, and then said never mind because I didn't have bankruptcy experience. It turns out they don't really need someone with bankruptcy experience and they're willing to train, so they set me up with an interview. I went in today and was excited to find out that the attorney actually also practices immigration law (which is what I want to do). I think it went well, and it could be a good place for me. I'm a little nervous because it's a relatively new firm, but I gotta start somewhere. Should hear back from him in a week...we'll see what happens with my job search adventure!

My Job Search Adventures

So like most unemployed people, I was excited when I saw a job prospect on Craigslist. I know, I know, Craigslist isn't the best place to search for a job, and don't worry, it's not my only source, but there seems to be some good stuff every now and then.

There are so many emotional ups and downs to being unemployed and looking for a job that I won't even go into detail on that, but I will explain my dilemma: I'm either not experienced enough for some jobs (see old post on that) or I'm over qualified because I graduated law school. SO, I was pretty excited when I found the following post on Craigslist today:

"Attorney Needed (Bilingual)
Looking to hire an attorney who has recently passed the bar . . Applicant must be able to work in a fast paced environment. Must be meticulous in calendaring and MUST work well with deadlines. Experience is not a must. Please email resume as soon as possible. We are looking to hire immediately."

That's it.

A few things that jumped out at me: 1) I'm bilingual, 2) I recently passed the bar, 3) I like the idea that experience is not a must. So I spend some time making a general cover letter that is not overly specific on any area of law (since none was stated) but highlighting my general skills and experiences. I was pretty excited when I checked my voicemail a few hours later and already had a call back requesting that I come in and interview tomorrow. So I call them expecting to leave a voicemail (since it was already past 6:30 p.m.), but I actually had the pleasure of speaking with someone.

They answered their phone in Spanish (so fast, in fact, that I had no idea what the guy said), so I was pretty happy I was not lying about my bilingual skills, and asked (in Spanish) for the lady that had called me. Through my conversation with Lady, we set up a time for me to come in tomorrow to interview, and I request their address so I know where I'm going. Then she inquires "You are bilingual, right?" Well yes, I know my all-American name probably doesn't help, but I have it in bold on my resume, and I applied for the job, and I was able to get her on the phone, right?

Then I ask what area of law they practice. Granted--they didn't mention this in the job post, and they said experience wasn't necessary, but I thought it might be a good idea to do a little research before I go in tomorrow. "Bankruptcy, chapters 7 and 13. Do you have experience with that?" Uh...no. Thoughts going through my head in the split seconds before I have to formulate a response: my resume mentions NOTHING about bankruptcy--it's actually all immigration and public interest law, so there's no mistaken the fact that I have no experience in bankruptcy law and yet they called ME; I can't even pretend to have experience in that area because I really have no clue; and finally: it doesn't matter right? They said experience wasn't necessary. So I'm honest and I tell Lady that no, I don't have experience in bankruptcy.

"Oh...well...that's a problem. We won't need you to come in tomorrow then...I'll check with the attorney and I'll call you if he changes his mind."

Huh. Really? I have a feeling she is going to have many similar calls. If you want experience in something from your applicants, you should state it in the job post, and you should look for it on their RESUME.

Going Solo?

Don't freak out, the title has nothing to do with Jeff and I, thankfully he's deciding to stick around :) I went to a workshop today that was put on by my law school, giving advice on how to start your solo practice. I'm thinking this is because their employment statistics are looking pretty horrid and they need those of us who are unemployed to get a "job," stat. Anyhow, aside from having to raise some capital (or put aside my law school loans by deferring them again and opening up some new credit cards), the most difficult thing is-obviously-getting clients.

So my question to all of you, dear readers, is: will you be getting a divorce, have custody issues, seek a fiance visa for someone you met in a foreign country and now wish to marry and bring to the United States, need a visa for someone you are employing from a foreign country, need a will or living trust, in the near future? I'm sure these are all things you can fit into your lives somehow. If so, let me know so I can seriously start considering career options....thank you!

Life's Little Big Decisions

I always wanted to be a teacher, and for the first twelve or thirteen years of my life, I never thought I'd end up doing anything else. I used to play the teacher whenever I played with friends, and I even "tutored" my neighbors kids when I was like eight or nine. By tutoring I mean that I always did my homework, and my neighbor's kids didn't, so she payed me to make them do their homework :)

Then I moved to Guatemala, and my big career plans there were to be a secretary. Yeah, for some reason, "secretaria bilingue" sounds like a dream career to Guatemalan girls when they're young. My career expectations shot up again when I came back to school in the United States. I think in junior high I started to get a bit idealistic about wanting to change the world. Most of it had to do with living in Guatemala, and seeing the crime, impunity, corruption, and endless violence that exists. What bothered me (and still does) about Guatemala is that the government does nothing to curb everything that is going on. Most government officers are too busy filling their pockets to try to make any meaningful changes to the way things are done. So my dream was to get an education that would allow me to get involved with international relations, diplomacy, or some other branch where I could yield some significant influence in the right direction. My ideal job would definitely be with an organization like the United Nations, or U.S.A.I.D., or a non-profit involved in human rights or humanitarian law.

Although those aspirations still hold true, there were complications that I never thought about in junior high. I now have my JD, and I guess technically the potential to get those jobs. But I also just got married, and I'm excited and looking forward to starting a family. This makes the whole "international job" a little more difficult to pursue. Growing up I never thought I would end up having conflicting goals and aspirations. It's not a tough choice between career and family: I definitely am more excited about being married to Jeff and looking forward to our future together. But it's difficult to accept that something I always wanted is going to have to take the back burner for a while.

Lately I've been wondering if most people, sooner or later, come to a point in their life where they have to make one of life's little big decisions: sometimes we have idealistic expectations of what we want, but maybe the opportunity isn't there, or the timing isn't right, and we have to accept something more realistic. Either way, life is what you make of it, and life is gonna be great :)